Perfectionism is developed to varying degrees, but its harmfulness is the same for children at any age. The most vulnerable in this respect are the first-borns or the only children in the family. Many parents unknowingly make approximately the same mistakes, forming a neurotic personality.
In psychology, there is no consensus on how to understand perfectionism, however, even without a precise definition, teachers and child psychologists agree on one thing: perfectionism is one of the neurotic disorders leading to exhaustion, professional deformations, psychosomatosis … In a word, a perfectionist child grows up nervous, dissatisfied yourself and life, an unhappy person.
Some parents, unfortunately, noticing (or even developing) the first signs of perfectionism in their children, are happy and proud of the disease they have found. They say that their Misha is such a good fellow, he does everything so diligently and accurately, and until he does everything perfectly, he will not be distracted at all, such is his character, until he builds all the soldiers in a strict pattern - he starts playing.
The question remains open whether perfectionism is genetically inherited, however, to date, 4 types of parental behavior have been identified that form the thinking of a perfectionist:
- Parents are overly critical. Healthy criticism spoken softly, reasonably, in a fatherly way is one thing; another thing is when a child receives only one criticism for all his efforts.
- Parental expectations are too high. Some people buy books that promise to raise a child prodigy, for example. And they live according to books, not with children.
- Parental approval is missing or inconsistent. It echoes the first point. The child does not receive positive reinforcement, this is how a deficit is formed, after which the child becomes accustomed to the idea that he is not considered good, because he did not try hard. This can lead, among other things, to workaholism.
- Perfectionist parents themselves serve as role models.
Parents should remember that the child's psyche is very active, it requires immediate action, and this is incompatible with error-free behavior. A lot of trial and a lot of mistakes - this is a normal situation for a child, there is nothing wrong with mistakes and wrong decisions.
Some parents instill in their children that there is right and wrong behavior in the game (this does not apply to the standard rules such as playing football or chess, we are talking about the game in general), and when children, say, draw an elephant in red and the sun in green, such parents explain that this is not supposed to be done.
The child's psyche is proactive, and some parents instill in their children a polar attitude - either do it perfectly, or do not do it at all. This is contrary to the normal course of things, trial and error, but worse, it kills the initiative.
It must be admitted that although few parents punish their children for mistakes, at the same time, some parents scold them for clarifications and questions.
Parenting is a responsible and complex process, parents should remind themselves every morning that only they primarily influence what a person will be like when they grow up, but they are also capable of causing serious harm. More often forgive children for mistakes and teach them kindly, do not ignore requests and questions, thank for the initiative.
