Modern families are not always complete. It also happens that a family consists of a mother and a child. Why does this happen and how to tell the child about the father if he left the family?
For a variety of reasons, there are more single mothers. For example, women decide to have a child, and they do not care that there is no man in their life. In the end, it is much easier to find a manufacturer than a husband for yourself and a father for a child. In addition, do not forget about sperm banks, and a woman can only feed, dress, raise and raise a child, especially when there are always grandparents who dream of grandchildren.
What about mothers whose children "did not have a daddy"? What to tell children, how to behave? Situations are very different: a woman becomes pregnant for herself; the guy left after learning about the pregnancy; husband found another …
If everything happened in a civilized way, everything is quite simple. The parents divorced, the child, most likely, stays with his mother, and the father visits his now former family, congratulates the child on his birthday or New Year and takes part in his life. In this case, the kid grows up with the understanding that he really has a dad who lives separately.
But what to say to a child if dad never meets the child, or the child does not know anything at all about the existence of dad?
Hero Father
This method was popular during the Soviet era. A woman will invent a myth about a great and wonderful man (father of a child) who was insanely happy about the birth of a son / daughter, but who died tragically. Most likely, he died as a hero. To confirm such a legend, you can show your child photographs, letters, write stories about how you met, fell in love, etc. It is even possible to tell a child based on real events, but slightly embellished stories. Psychologists, by the way, advise single mothers to do exactly so that a “bright image of a father” is formed in the child's head. In this case, the child will understand that he was desired by both parents, and will not feel unnecessary.
But this method also has a negative point, which teaches that even a lie for salvation remains a lie. Are you able to feel good about your child by starting a relationship with him with lies? In addition, no one gives a guarantee that some well-wisher will never appear who wants to tell the child the truth. Or, even more interesting, the father himself may appear, which will lead to simply incredible consequences from childish joy to distrust of you.
Get away from the answer
“Mom, why do Petya and Vasya have a father, but I do not? Where is my daddy? " - “What dad? You have a mom, isn't it enough for you? No? Well, that's all, there is no dad and we don't need him. " Some mothers jealously guard their right to be the only parent. It is quite possible that they complete because they cannot give the child everything that a full-fledged family could give and defend themselves by going on the attack.
In part, they really believe that the mother is the only creature necessary for the child and are always offended when it comes to some "unnecessary" element in the form of a father. Often, girls who grew up in such a family with such a mother become single mothers themselves. It is, of course, just great when a child has a loving, beautiful and strong mother who can replace both parents, but over time the child realizes that there must be one more person who participated in his birth, and who is not now.
Daddy villain
“Your dad is a fool and a scoundrel, he doesn't need you at all, because he left you. You don't even need to be a psychologist to understand that this option is far from the most correct one. No matter how wild offense tormented a woman, it is unacceptable to load her on the fragile child's shoulders, even if the father is in fact a real beast. It is necessary to understand that a child already at a very young age understands that there is something in him from both mom and dad, especially if he is told that he looks like dad.
It is very difficult to describe in simple words the childhood pain of the fact that some part of him comes from an ugly and disgusting creature, as his mother describes him in this case. As a result, it becomes scary to hate your own face and even the way you walk just because it reminds your beloved mother of hating a man. No matter how much you hate your husband, do not show this to the child - save him from it.
Tell the truth
Perhaps this is the most correct and acceptable option - to tell the child the truth. Of course, at the very level at which he will understand and in words that will not shock him. But it's better not to rush things. If the child doesn't ask, it's best not to start the conversation yourself. If he asks, you can say that you don’t know if you really don’t know, or you can say that he lives very far away. For a while, the child will be satisfied with such a simple answer.
Tell us that there are families with a dad, mom and a child. There are families that also have grandparents and other children. And there you are - a mother and a child. Try to idealize the image of your father, and not mix it with dirt.
