Constant rivalry between lovers does not always lead to the collapse of the relationship. On the contrary, it can sometimes even warm up people's interest in each other, make them strive for the best and constantly improve. However, when rivalry develops into an "arms race", when everyone seeks to earn as much as possible, climb the career ladder faster, etc., or even into a kind of family war, it is worth taking measures as soon as possible to preserve the relationship.
Good competition makes people better. Seeing the success of her husband, the wife sometimes begins to try twice. In the same way, a husband, having learned that his beloved has been raised in salary, sometimes seeks to achieve a raise himself. Lovers-rivals in such cases, as a rule, are successful, intelligent and well-read. They monitor their appearance, trying to match each other. Constant rivalry does not allow feelings to fade away and helps a man and a woman to live together for many years without getting tired of each other. In such a relationship, the husband and wife take turns winning, and because of this they maintain high self-esteem and respect for each other. It is to such a relationship that those who see in their soulmate not just a loved one, but a rival should strive.
Alas, often the relationship in such couples is built according to a different scheme. With their achievements, lovers sometimes try to humiliate each other, prove to their partner that he is worse in everything, which means he must obey. Each own failure in such situations is perceived as a tragedy, and the constant desire for self-improvement is explained only by the fear of losing and giving a new reason for ridicule. You can try to fix such a relationship by learning to relate more easily to the victories of the parterre and your defeats, however, both lovers must change the attitude, otherwise the situation will not improve. Another option is to pay attention not to similarities, but to differences. For example, if the husband is constantly winning in one area, the wife should do something new, something in which she surpasses her partner.
There is another type of rivalry, which is not built on progress, but rather on regression. In such couples, a man and a woman constantly argue about who invests more in the family budget, who gets tired more, who has to deal with unpleasant household chores more often, etc. Scandals constantly arise on the basis of such a strange rivalry: the husband refuses to take out the trash, assuring that he gets tired more at work, and his wife argues with him and in revenge stops washing the dishes. Mutual reproaches only become stronger with the appearance of a child: everyone is sure that he devotes more time to the baby, that he loves him more and brings him up more correctly. "Competitions" begin, as a result of which the child suffers as well, because the parents devote more time to rivalry and disputes than caring for the baby. It is important to remember that in such situations, the fear of vulnerability, the desire to be needed, often lies behind the reproaches. Telling his wife that she spends too little time with her family and does not pay attention to the child, the husband sometimes wants to say that he misses and dreams of a strong, friendly family. Learn to say such things directly and understand other people's hints, and there will be no reason for competition.
