A person goes through several transition periods during his life and adolescence is one of the most difficult of them. It is hard not only for the teenager himself, but also for the people who surround him at this time. It is possible to make life much easier for yourself and the child, as well as to protect the teenager from the risks associated with the period of transition from child to adult, by learning how to communicate with the teenager.
Actually, it is advisable to start working on yourself and build the right relationship with the child from the first day of his life. Psychologists have written many articles on this topic. But let's look at the situation from the point of view of ordinary parents. There are several options for the development of family relationships:
- authoritarian upbringing,
- complete or partial alienation,
- friendship.
presupposes the unquestioning fulfillment of all the requirements of the parents, regardless of the wishes of the child. There is a strict hierarchy in the family, in which the child invariably occupies the lowest level and does not have the right to vote. Authoritarian upbringing is most convenient from the point of view of parents, because the child, being under constant psychological pressure, is obedient, never rereads and silently obeys the orders of the parents.
True, in adulthood it will not be easy for such a person. A person who is afraid to contradict his parents does not dare to contradict anyone at all. A child who is raised by intimidation, blackmail, who is not given the right to express his opinion and does not have the right to this opinion, is unlikely to grow up as a confident person. In adolescence, a child will try to assert himself in a variety of ways, which are not always safe for him and those around him. And having felt freedom from parental control, he can make mistakes that parents will be afraid to admit, and this is a huge risk that a teenager will get into trouble, find himself in a situation from which it is very difficult to find a way out, but impossible alone. Most often, such upbringing is due to the desire of the parents to protect the child from mistakes, to protect him, rather than dislike for the child.
Alienation can be called disinterest, indifference of family members to each other, or the perception of a child by the parents as something inanimate. With such a relationship, the child grows on its own, the parents know little about his life and, although outwardly the family can be very prosperous, the child suffers from lack of attention. When a teenager is in trouble, parents cannot understand why this happened, because there were no conflicts in the family.
- this is love, respect, interest, common affairs and interests, this is noisy quarrels, and unrestrained fun. Such upbringing gives the child confidence that it is safe at home, that he will always be understood and accepted at home, despite his mistakes and blunders. Success or failure is shared, but parents never evaluate a child for his achievements or mistakes.
The best thing is to become a friend, support to the child from the very first days of life, not to patronize, imposing your experience, but to let you fill your own bumps, teach you to make decisions and be responsible for them. Less criticism and empty praise: let the child learn to confidently achieve their goals. The most difficult thing is to understand, to gently guide, without imposing your opinion. Let your teen scream if you feel like screaming. Allow yourself to have your own food, clothing, and music preferences. Support your teenager in his hobbies. Listen to your teenager, even if it seems that he is talking complete nonsense and does not observe the chain of command. As adults, we often focus on our own life, overshadowing the needs and experiences of our own children. This is a big mistake. Of course, control is necessary. But not obsessive total control. And calm and logical, understandable for your teenager.
For example, “I know the password for your page on the social network, but I do not need to view your correspondence. I should have quick access to your personal information only in case you get into trouble and only in order to be able to help you in a timely manner. At the same time, this approach allows you to get to know your teenager better, to be aware of his needs and hobbies, to teach by example and on your own mistakes, to educate a teenager without tying his hands, without closing his mouth.
Sometimes there is such a hormonal storm and it is difficult for a growing person to control his emotions in these moments. It is important to treat with understanding, direct, make it clear that you do not condemn, but understand it. Than to make fun of the teenager's problems, help with advice. And please do not need long lectures. It is better to speak harshly, sometimes not to regret a strong word in order to express your attitude to the situation. A long conversation will only lead to eye-rolling and the manifestation of negativism inherent in adolescents. If there is dissatisfaction with the behavior, speak bluntly, do not play up. But don't criticize either.
