In the life of every parent there comes a moment when the baby is interested in where children come from, what is a penis and why does mom have breasts, but dad does not? How to answer? Panic aside! By following this guide, you will boldly answer any question of your growing child.
Some parents may say, "Children should enjoy childhood and not be aware of sexual matters." Such statements are permeated with the shame that these people experienced at a tender age, when adults from all sides trumpeted that sex was bad. Not everyone is able to analyze and understand that their problems are related to the attitudes received at the age of 6-7 years.
What if it's hard to talk about something?
Children and adolescents are afraid to anger their parents. Don't get angry if a child comes with a shocking response. If you find it difficult to answer right away, ask for a delay. Just do not think that the child will not repeat his question after a while. It would be right to come up with a conversation yourself, emphasizing that you are glad of this curiosity, and your parents did not discuss such topics with you.
Teach the children good manners about intimate matters. After discussing the topic, add that you should not talk about it with friends at school tomorrow. Or: “When my grandmother was your age, she was not taught what we are talking about. So now talking about the body confuses her. Come on, when he arrives at the weekend, we will not talk about it in front of her."
What a preschooler needs to know
Feel free to speak truthfully to your children! There is no need to fear that the neighbors will think something wrong when they hear from your five-year-old son details about which they themselves do not dare to speak even among themselves. At 4-6 years old, a child may know the following:
· Names of genitals (not "children's", but as adults say - penis (penis), scrotum, testicles, anus (anus), labia, vulva, uterus;
· The mechanism of conception - a man's sperm is connected to a woman's egg as a result of sexual intercourse;
· The unborn child develops in the uterus;
· Birth takes place through the vagina;
· General information about menstruation in women and wet dreams at night in men, as natural processes that do not speak of ill health or "uncleanness";
· What to pick up on the street, in the entrance of condoms is dangerous and strictly prohibited.
What you need to know for children of primary school age
In elementary school, children need to have previous knowledge, diluted with additional knowledge.
· Scientific names of stool, urine, urethra, bladder;
· What are the differences between the reproductive system and the excretory system;
· Complete information about emissions and menstruation;
· Basic information about puberty and physiological changes during this period.
What teens need to know
In addition to the basic data obtained in previous periods, it is important for teenagers to receive the following information:
· Everything about puberty;
· The basics of sexual behavior;
· About sexually transmitted diseases.
Older adolescents should have knowledge of the rules for using contraception and what to do if they misfire. With "adult children" you can talk about intimate relationships, the ability to build relationships with partners. Teach them to refuse if they do not want to do something.
A difficult age…
With teenagers, parents should be free to discuss the concepts of false sexuality that pornographic creators are actively proposing. Explain that the person is not required to be sexually active. Boys and girls need to understand that commercial advertising gives a distorted idea of the ideal shape and appearance.
Parents are usually shy when they need to talk to their teenage child. This is selfish because in this age period children are in dire need of understanding and support. There are often cases when adults cannot lend a helping hand, because they themselves are in the stage of immaturity. It is easier for someone to slip literature, in the hope that the child will figure it out on his own.
Polls among teenagers in Western countries have shown that children want to discuss sexual issues with their parents. But for a number of reasons, this does not happen. They are afraid to meet misunderstanding on the part of moms and dads. To some extent, teenagers admit their guilt, saying that they themselves do not come to them with exciting questions - for fear of asking them and "suddenly they will get angry."
Teens who speak fluently with their parents are optimistic about the future of marriage. These children grow up as self-confident people, their activities are fueled by curiosity.
How to tell your child about sex?
Despite the propaganda, parents still deny the need for sex education. The problem is that they cannot isolate their children by preventing them from receiving information. This is the whole trick. They should learn important things not from friends in the yard or on TV, but from their parents!
When starting a conversation, do not cheat yourself about the presentation of information. Teaching a child the basics of sex education is no more difficult than tying shoelaces. Don't expect your son or daughter to contact you - start the conversation on your own initiative!
1. Be at ease, as if discussing any other familiar topic.
2. Do not overload with unnecessary information, highlight the basic concepts. Children don't like long answers to their questions.
3. The child is not interested in listening to scientific facts - it is important for him to know the attitude of the parent towards them.
4. Don't be afraid to say too much. The brain of children is so arranged that what they do not understand is safely forgotten.
5. Do not scold your child when you hear obscenities. Calmly explain what these words mean and why you do not want him to say that.
6. No need to cover the natural names of the genitals.
7. It is important for preschoolers to teach how to protect themselves from attempts at sexual violence. Teach your child to boldly say "No!" adults. This includes refusal to kiss his second aunt or share with an elderly neighbor. An example of building a conversation with a five-year plan:
“Adults cannot always find friends for themselves. Sometimes it is very difficult for them to do this. Therefore, they want to meet children. But you should refuse your friend and immediately come running to me to tell me that he asked you to do something that adults should not ask children to do (for example, get into an adult's pants with your hands."
8. Talk to your baby about puberty before it starts. After all, some changes can appear before the age of ten (menstruation, development of the mammary glands, emission).
9. Boys should be aware of menstruation, and girls should be aware of erection. Talking about same-sex relationships, prostitution, too, should not be neglected - children learn about it from magazines, the Internet, TV, and can actively look for details.
10. Given the age of the child, tell us about sexual diseases. Of course, there is no need to intimidate a five-year-old child with the fatality of AIDS. Focus on the reaction produced by the information.
11. Do not use the phrase: "You are still too young to know!" Your task is for the child not to be embarrassed when it comes to sex topics, he should be able to freely ask you questions.
Sexual education
There is nothing wrong with having children. There is nothing wrong with trying to know your body. Making fun of these questions is a sign of the moral immaturity of society. To help their offspring, adults must grow up sexually.
Telling the mechanism of conception, we do not teach children to have sex, we do not agitate. We introduce them to the structure of the body, but we do not encourage them to have early sexual intercourse. A grown up child may never know intimacy with the opposite sex. But he will always have his body with him - which should be taken care of all his life.
It is impossible to overdose information with children. Their brains are designed in such a way that they are not aware of anything more than they can. The parent sighed with relief, but after a couple of days it turns out that the child did not understand anything, and it is necessary to repeat everything in the second round - and this makes adults break out in a cold sweat. Be prepared for the conversation to repeat itself several times. Encourage this curiosity, allow questions to be asked.
The child should be familiar with the terms. In the world of mature adults, children have the right to have their questions about hygiene and body answered. It is wrong to distribute according to the principle "dad should talk to the boy and mom to the girl." A parent of either gender should be able to talk calmly with children of different sexes. There is no reason why dad is not allowed to explain what menstruation is, and mom, for example, about wet dreams. Of course, single parents struggle with this. Often they have to engage in self-education to expand their knowledge of both sexes. It's okay to say, "I don't know, and I suggest you two figure it out."
After finishing the conversation, ask what the child understood from it. Make sure your words are received correctly. Discuss, answer additional questions, encouraging them. Check if he is satisfied with the answer. Work on yourself, gaining new knowledge. Become a sexually mature person. This is important in order to raise children who enjoy their sex life, but do not subordinate life to eroticism. Such self-acceptance will help them grow up safely, provide support to their partner on the path of life.
