Time after time unlucky in relationships with men, what to do? Run to trainings? Yes, coaches and other human relations professionals can push you in the right direction. And the problem will still have to be solved by herself. What are your steps?
If the problem is that you don't like anyone, then change your social circle (see the last part of this article). If interesting men don't like you - take care of yourself first (second part). And in the case when the experience of unsuccessful relationships has already been accumulated, it is best to first deal with the past.
Break with the past
This is the most difficult, but very important step towards transforming your own life. Try to realize that even yesterday is gone forever. This applies to everything that has happened, good and bad.
If you are still in love with someone “from the past,” let go of your feeling. This can be very painful. Do not crush bitter feelings inside, let yourself experience the loss of love, mourn it.
If possible, take a short vacation and spend it alone in a new place for yourself. Be alone with yourself. Think, feel "to the fullest."
If it is very difficult for you, seek help from others. You just need to be sure that the person treats you without secret envy and anger. Sometimes it is more useful to contact a stranger (for example, a psychologist) than a friend or relative.
Write down your feelings on paper. It is not at all necessary to immediately burn what is written. Do this when you are ready.
Think rationally: was it really “your” person? Are you idealizing the image of a loved one? Maybe love didn't work out, because you are just very different.
Do not rush into a new relationship, knock out the "wedge wedge". You may subconsciously re-enact the scenario of a past relationship and it gets worse. Instead, focus on friendships, family relationships, animal interactions, and hobbies for now.
Only by getting rid of the painful feeling, you can let it go and leave it in the past. Otherwise, the situation will repeat itself over and over again.
Find yourself
Think about who you are. Maybe your ideas about yourself do not reflect reality? Or, for some reason, you hide your real self in front of people, because of what misunderstandings occur?
The experience of past relationships and failures can come in handy in such an analysis. For example, you constantly attract weak men. So you are strong! Are you only interested in looks? So you are very beautiful! Didn't you notice your mind? Perhaps you are simply smarter than the people of this circle! Reveal your best features.
If there was a mistake in your past relationship, accept it so as not to repeat it in the future. But don't be overwhelmed with guilt. Never mind the phrases of "well-wishers" like "You are to blame for everything!" and "I would be in your place …". One person cannot be guilty of everything, even about his life.
But think about whether psychological complexes or incorrect attitudes hinder you in life. You may be carrying the moral burden of unhealthy relationships from childhood or adolescence. Or low self-esteem is bothering you.
Take tests, talk to experts. Try to better understand yourself and the motives for your own actions. This will help to overcome weaknesses, to reach a new personal level.
That being said, don't try to change completely. Develop, but continue to be yourself. This is the only way you can find a person with whom you will find yourself "on the same wavelength."
Refresh your social circle
In order for the person you want to meet, you need to expand your social circle. Start leaving the house more often, walking, traveling. Go where you can meet people of your level and interests. Girls living in a rural area or in a small town should move to a large city.
Don't rush home immediately after work. Go to a cafe or restaurant - you can be alone, nowadays this is completely normal. Surely, there will be many men among the visitors who also do not need to rush home.
You can sign up for foreign language courses, a fitness club or any professional courses and trainings, join a volunteer organization. New activities will make it possible to make new acquaintances, expand the number of friends. You will see people "in action" and at the same time prove yourself. It is possible that one of the new male friends can become someone more for you.
But even if the "dream man" does not appear immediately, do not despair. Over time, new friends and comrades can introduce you to other acquaintances. So the social circle will expand.
In addition, new knowledge and skills contribute to personal growth. For example, proficiency in a foreign language or experience of teamwork in a volunteer organization will help with career development. Changing jobs, you, again, will find new acquaintances.
By the way, knowledge of languages will open up opportunities for you to communicate with foreigners. You will be able to strike up a relationship while traveling or over the Internet. Who knows, maybe your fate awaits you abroad?
Change your life without waiting for love - and one day it will come. Some positive shifts lead to others, it often happens
