Once he said: “I love you!” - sincerely, with burning eyes. And now you are together. Then he repeated the confession several times, albeit less emotionally. And now he seems to love, but not a word about it. Why don't men talk about feelings?
The reasons
First of all, this is masculine nature. Men are less emotional because nature has “programmed” them to be active. The task of the ancient homo is to go, find, fill up the beast, eat himself and feed his fellow tribesmen. Spot the enemy and kill him. Win the favor of women by defeating rivals.
It is worth for a moment to weaken your severity, to show gentleness - and that's it, you lost. Killed or feed on scraps on the periphery of the human herd.
So it was for hundreds of thousands of years, and in a relatively short period of cultural development, human nature has changed little. Until now, in a man's mind, to say openly about good feelings is a manifestation of weakness. And to say sincerely "I love you" for him means another overcoming of himself.
Often, men consider it sufficient to confess their love once, and then show their attitude towards a woman by actions. Over and over again bring booty (money, things and food), expand the territory and provide it to your beloved (buy real estate, take on trips), have sex with her.
At the same time, men usually show negative feelings and aggression without internal difficulties. Again, this is by nature: aggression has helped in the bloody battle for survival for millennia. A cultured person has to use his will to restrain himself when he feels angry.
Of course, upbringing also affects the external emotionality of a man. In many families it is not customary to teach boys to show their best feelings openly. Like, "not like a man" is it. In other families, it is normal to speak more freely about love.
Finally, temperament matters. From a restrained and self-contained phlegmatic, you do not always know whether he liked dinner, let alone verbal expressions of feelings! But it is much easier for a “hot” choleric person to express his attitude to a woman.
What to do
But a woman needs to hear words of love from her companion more often! It inspires her, makes her happier. How to get new recognition?
First of all, do not beg the coveted phrase. If a man is not ready to "betray" her himself, then he will pronounce it formally, without any expression. This is unlikely to satisfy you.
Create a suitable emotional environment yourself. Remind about feelings: say about your love yourself, caress. And do not be offended if he still does not make a confession. Try again over time.
If a man confessed his love, appreciate it. Remember that sincere confessions are not easy for him. Accept his words warmly, do not joke in return. Otherwise, next time you are unlikely to wait for sincere words from him.
Learn to "read love" by his looks, gestures, actions. Please accept this with gratitude. At the same time, you yourself often express your gratitude verbally: “Thank you for doing this”, “Thank you for not forgetting to congratulate …”, etc.
And further. As psychologists note, in the male consciousness, after words, there should be action. He said "I love" - it means that one must perform a feat. Some women take advantage of this.
Such people first draw out recognition, and then demand to do or buy something in confirmation of the words spoken. The "program" in a man's head is running, he gets up and goes to execute it. And if suddenly it does not go, then a scandal, for the sake of which a man usually concedes.
So, it is better to look for other ways to motivate your chosen one. Otherwise, he will one day come to the conclusion that he is simply being used. And this is a big blow to love.
If he talks endlessly about love …
… then this, on the contrary, should be alarming. Unless, of course, we are not talking about the beginning of a young couple's romance, when the lovers do not hold back their feelings. Otherwise, beautiful words may conceal a superficial feeling, painful addiction or cold calculation.
Here are several types of men who talk a lot about feelings:
- An incorrigible romantic. They fall dearly in love, look after beautifully and revel in delight. But such a "love boat" easily breaks down on everyday life. And soon he is looking for new adventures while you are busy with productive work.
- Immature, dependent person. Due to the peculiarities of upbringing or other reasons, he cannot live without the woman he has chosen. He constantly reminds of his love, but in return requires encouragement and rewards. It's like he's a pet dog and not an adult.
- Seducer. He talks about love, but he only needs sex and confirmation of his male solvency. At the same time, sometimes he himself is in love - but only with a beautiful body, and only as long as it belongs to him.
- Deceiver. Often, husbands often begin to talk about feelings for their wife when they cheat or have been guilty of something else. And with beautiful words and gifts, they try to lull their vigilance or calm their conscience.
- Gigolo. He says he loves, achieves reciprocity, and then he has financial problems. He, as it were, reluctantly takes the money you offered, giving in return millions of "love". In some cases, a man can be really partial to his lady, which does not prevent him from firmly "sitting on the neck" of his beloved.
