Many parents find it very difficult to accept the fact that a teenager is not a small child, he has his own opinion, his own outlook on life. Attempts of excessive control, increased guardianship at this age can lead to extremely negative consequences.
The desire for total control over the child and his life may be the result of personal internal anxieties and fears of the parents. Another reason is that control is a kind of perverted form of guardianship and care. In some cases, increased control may be appropriate, much depends on the context of the circumstances. However, when it comes to controlling the life of a teenager, the scenario for the development of further events can be unpredictable. There are two critical options for the outcome of parental control present in the life of a teenager. And both of them have quite a negative light.
The teenager feels like an adult and in many ways a formed personality. This is not a child who does not have his own opinion or view of any situation. In adolescence, a person learns to communicate with completely different people, is looking for himself, is faced with numerous difficulties that may seem silly to parents, but to have serious weight for a teenager. At this age, a grown-up child requires more freedom. He wants his parents to recognize his rights and allow him to make decisions. At the same time, in rare cases, a teenager has a negative attitude towards his father and mother, if the parents do not behave inappropriately towards him. What can be the result of an attempt of total parental control over a teenager?
Outcome one: rebellious child
Control, guardianship and increased attention to life - especially personal, private - of a teenager can turn into a serious problem in the case when the teenager himself from childhood has a sufficiently strong, stubborn or even rebellious character. If such a child is faced with attempts at strict upbringing and total control of his every step, he will begin to perceive his parents as enemies. All parental words will be regarded as a desire to harm. Difficult teens especially need to be given some freedom, but they also need parental attention, but not intrusive and not in the form of harsh parenting.
If a teenager begins to feel that mom and dad are trying to control his every step, they do not just give advice, but insist and impose their opinion, the child will begin to act "by contradiction." He will fulfill requests, turning everything upside down. The desire to protest is a typical trait in adolescence. If the parents create some kind of “hostile environment” on their own, the teenager will stop trying to control himself.
Rebellion and internal protest against custody and control during adolescence can lead to:
- a drop in school performance;
- to constant conflicts in the family;
- strange, dangerous or suspicious hobbies of a teenager;
- to dubious companies and friends;
- in especially extreme cases, everything can turn into petty hooliganism, addiction to alcohol and cigarettes in adolescence;
- to the isolation, secrecy of the child;
- loss of confidence in the adolescent in relation to parents and so on.
The result of total control in the context of such a situation largely depends on the circumstances that surround the adolescent, on the warehouse of his personality and the examples that he sees before his eyes. In adolescence, children tend to choose their idols, to equalize with any people. In some cases, idols and authority figures can be far from positive characters.
Do not forget that it is in adolescence that possible psychopathies can clearly make themselves felt, character accentuations are revealed, again, brighter. The teenager has poor control over his thoughts, poorly filters what he says, and has difficulty managing emotions. He may not want to harm, but in a state of passion, excessive anger, aggression or resentment against his parents, a teenager is able to behave in an inappropriate way, become a provocateur for a strong conflict.
Result of the second: dependent personality
The second version of the negative development of events against the background of total control and excessive parental care of the teenager looks like the child is gradually turning into a completely downtrodden, withdrawn and lost person. Wishing to protect their child from the world, controlling and checking every step of the child, parents unconsciously cultivate total uncertainty in him, ruin the child's self-esteem, and negatively affect the development of independence.
Children, who from childhood were distinguished by a gentle character, in whom such a trait as a statement dominates, are more inclined to “cave in” under the control of their parents. If such a grown-up child has an authoritarian mother or father, then the situation will worsen many times over. Such adolescents, even with a great inner desire, are not able to fight back. It is easier for them to humbly accept everything that their parents say, hide resentment, fear and other feelings in themselves, and remain silent.
By overly controlling a teenager who is not strong-willed, you can ensure that the child will always be there. He will be obedient and quiet, will not contact bad company, will try to actively study and bring only good grades. However, for the personal development of a teenager, this situation plays a negative role.
What can a similar scenario of the development of events lead to:
- the child will become an outcast in the school team, it will be difficult for him to interact with classmates and teachers;
- a teenager will be completely dependent, he will pass any decision into the hands of his parents; in an older age, such a character trait will have a very negative effect on life in general;
- isolation, withdrawal into oneself and one's own world will become the basis of a teenager's life, while negative emotions and experiences aimed at parents will accumulate inside him, but such a child simply cannot make claims;
- constant control and pressure, excessive guardianship can provoke various psychosomatic illnesses in adolescence, ranging from constant headaches and ending with various complications even after a banal cold;
- many typical teenage topics may pass by, but in the future they will return to the life of an adult, and this is not always appropriate and may not always lead to a positive result;
- as a rule, adolescents who were very much taken care of and controlled by their parents, getting into adulthood, become "riff-raffs", go all out; such people have a very increased propensity to take risks, while they are not taught to take responsibility for their actions and deeds.
Trying to stay friends with the grown child, parents need to not go too far. It can be extremely difficult to give more freedom to a child, but it is necessary. Otherwise, the result of total control over a teenager can lead to unpleasant consequences, including for the development of the child himself.
