“You're a girl! Be smarter (or more cunning, or softer, or more inconspicuous …) "These and many other supposedly" common truths "have been invested by society in women's heads for centuries from an early age. It is not surprising that, growing up, first a young girl, and then a mature woman begins to apologize directly or with all her behavior for something that does not correspond … In fact, an apology is a destructive way.
1. For your gender
Yes Yes! Sometimes a woman is forced to apologize for being born as such! And silently prove that she is no worse than boys, youths, men.
This often happens when parents (for some reason - oh, paradox - more often than mothers) dreamed of a boy, and the birth of a daughter was perceived as a tragedy.
In the mildest version, such a mother is justified by the fact that, they say, women have a harder time in life, so they did not want to condemn their daughter to suffering. Nice position, right? I have not yet had time to be born, but already must suffer!
Sometimes a mother sees a rival in her daughter.
A special attitude towards the female sex is found in the regions, among people with a special mentality, traditions, where gender equality is not even formally discussed.
This feeling of guilt is one of the strongest. But, having exacted it, many things cease to be terrible.
2. For your own independence
For some reason, even in quite civilized societies, there is still a prejudice that an independent (materially and morally) woman is somehow inferior, unhappy.
They say that all independence is just an excuse, because no one needs its owner. But if she was needed, she would immediately gladly give up all her money (let her husband give out once a month for groceries, and go to the hairdresser's - pampering, for whom to smarten up) and my own opinion (how can it go against the family position, even if this position allows for beating or psychological pressure).
Don't you want to live like this? So don't apologize.
3. For the number of former partners
Some especially correct girls are already embarrassed in front of their second man that, they say, not the first. "Sorry, dear, I didn't wait." Someone is ashamed if there are a dozen of exes. But … Do you seriously think? This does not affect physiology at all.
4. For status
"In relationship". "Alone, alone, all alone." "It's Complicated". "Married". "In a guest marriage." "In free partnership". "Virgin". "The harlot." "Mother of many children" Options - the sea. And for everyone, believe me, there are critics for everyone. What now - to apologize to everyone? And if the status has changed - too? Well, I do not!
5. For material success
It is a shame to earn more than a husband and even a permanent partner. Otherwise, he may leave, because he will have complexes. So a woman begins to apologize, then refuse good work and success in society, and then completely degrades.
Always remember: degradation starts with an apology.
6. For appearance
Do you swing not like a child? Do you like delicious food and wear size XXL? Are you fond of plastic or, on the contrary, advocate naturalness? To your health!
The world is beautiful and diverse, there is room for any appearance. You can't apologize for any.
7. For your age
In youth, you want to seem older, so that they don't think about you, they say, you are too young and it's too early for you (falling in love, meeting guys, buying alcohol, getting a serious job …).
From the age of 30, many women are already hiding their age. Most look and feel much younger though.
Is this something shameful for years? All apologies are gone.
8. For small pleasures
If you allow yourself a glass of red in the evening, a slice of cake (or a whole cake), spontaneous purchases and other cute and harmless things, then all this can only do good.
Innocent "forbidden" things are so much fun! Apologizing for them is simply a sin.
9. For your children
Young (and not so) moms are an easy target for all kinds of haters. You feed it wrong, dress it wrong, bring it up badly, and so on. You pay a lot of attention (you breastfeed for more than a year, you don't send it to kindergarten, you listen to the child's opinion) - it's your fault. If you don’t pay (after giving birth you went to work early, you don’t devote your whole life to children), you are even more guilty.
I just want to say: "Wouldn't you go ?!"
10. For dislike of children
The desire to love children and have them as many as possible is a natural desire of a woman. For some reason, this opinion from the 19th century is still sometimes used in the 21st century.
But you may not like children and be a wonderful person at the same time. Not to love only other people's children. And even (oh, horror) it happens that the mother does not have strong feelings for her own offspring.
If at the same time no one suffers, but society forces you to apologize for the feelings and emotions that are deep inside, do not listen to anyone. Live and rejoice. Love for children may arise at a certain stage, but it may not. All people are different.
11. For the desire or unwillingness to have sex
For some reason, this aspiration, natural for every person, is shyly hushed up and even hidden. If a woman loves sex, it is considered almost synonymous with marginality.
The paradox, but the reverse side - causes no less indignation, and makes you apologize (to yourself, partners, girlfriends) with a vengeance.
How to find a middle ground between a sensual harlot and a Victorian wife who does "It" just for the sake of procreation? No way! Don't apologize and have sex whenever you feel like it. The main thing is that the partner is happy with it.
12. For bad habits
All people pick their noses, most indulge in harmful pleasures like smoking, sometimes too much alcohol, but for some reason the demand is higher from a woman?
When to start fighting bad habits and how exactly is up to you. You don't have to start. Just don't apologize. Nobody needs it.
13. Periods and PMS
Many myths are attributed to the condition preceding menstruation, during or immediately after it. If it is so painful and uncomfortable that it interferes with normal life, you need to see a doctor and correct the discomfort. In all other cases, no one can know, let alone accuse a woman of special behavior before and after menstruation. And she shouldn't apologize!
14. For choosing a man
Who is next to you - an oligarch or a homeless person, a healthy person or an alcoholic, a pale young man with a burning gaze or an old man, older … but at least 40 years old - is not at all a reason for condemning and discussing you. If you love your companion, you like him and you feel good with him, then what is there to apologize for?
15. For not meeting someone's expectations
By and large, everything for which a woman is forced (directly or indirectly) to feel guilty and apologize is associated with some incomprehensible expectations of strangers regarding her. Once you understand that you don't have to apologize for this, you don't have to and won't want to apologize for anything!
