We analyze 6 family crises by year and recommendations for overcoming them.
Crisis is translated from Latin as "turning point". With a successful overcoming, he unites the family, brings relations to a new level. If unsuccessful, it leads to divorce. The main thing in overcoming crises is to communicate with each other as much and frankly as possible.
In psychology, it is generally accepted that every family goes through 6 normative crises. Let's take a closer look at each one.
1 year crisis
Disagreements are associated with different ideas about marital responsibilities. For example, a wife expects that her husband will help her around the house, but he categorically refuses to engage in "woman's affairs." Or the spouse does not want to work, and the husband is focused on an equal partnership.
The basis of the difference in perceptions, as a rule, lies in the difference in those models of relations between a man and a woman that spouses observed with their parents in childhood. If the husband and wife do not develop a new model suitable for both, the marriage will fall apart.
Crisis 3-5 years
Disagreements arise in matters of the birth and upbringing of a child, caring for him. And also this crisis is associated with the problem of acquiring one's own home and building a career.
For example, a crisis may look like this: the wife has gone headlong into her career, and the husband wants a child and the comfort of a home. Or like this: the family has taken out a mortgage, the husband wants to pay it off faster (or the husband is saving money for his housing), and the wife prefers to live one day.
During this period, it is important to discuss together the priorities and goals in life, remember where you started, how you got together and why you got married.
Crisis 7 years
This is a crisis of everyday life. The partners have perfectly mastered their responsibilities, sorted out the priorities, and, in general, it seems that everyone knows the other better than he does himself. In general, they became so close that it became sickening.
You can save a marriage with the help of experiments (romantic, sexual - whatever), the revival of old hobbies (perhaps you haven't walked in the park for a long time, as before), close and frank communication on various topics.
Crisis 16-20 years
This crisis stems from the normative individual crisis of one or both spouses - the midlife crisis. That is, this is the time for reassessing values, analyzing the path traveled, choosing new goals. As you understand, the solution to a family crisis is to overcome an individual crisis.
Child leaving home crisis
When, in adulthood, a man and a woman are left alone, it sometimes turns out that they have become strangers to each other. Before that, the main goal was to raise a child. Now what? Solution to the crisis: search for new common interests, goals, hobbies and new acquaintance with each other.
It occurs by analogy with crisis 4 and arises from an individual crisis of one or both partners. It is associated with the completion of labor activity, the confusion of a person. Many people feel lonely, unnecessary. The solution is to search for a new social activity and a sphere of self-realization for someone who has retired.
Can the years of the onset of crises differ?
Yes, the years of the onset of crises may differ. I draw your attention to the fact that these are averaged data. You probably guessed yourself that the countdown can be the beginning of a life together, and not the official registration of marriage. And also many crises are associated with children.
For example, for couples without children, the second regulatory crisis flies away. It can be mild if there are disputes about who should work and how much, but this will be a small part of what happens in families with children. If this couple does not have children at all, then the crisis of leaving the child does not threaten them, but the realization that the partners have moved away from each other, have become strangers during the time that they have been building their careers, may come.
In addition, each family has its own pace of development (by analogy with the individual development of a person).And the crisis of 16-20 years is associated with the age of the spouses when they got married.
And also non-normative crises can happen.
I will never tire of repeating that psychology is an inexact science. In general, I am against any clichés like "if a person crosses his arms, it means that he psychologically closes down." This also applies to crises. But in general, the family development plan looks like this. It is important to understand this so as not to get confused and not scatter when a crisis occurs.