All families go through crises, both happy and dysfunctional. Only one spouse comes out of them renewed and stronger. Others accumulate and aggravate conflicts or even get divorced. All of this is due to different types of reactions to critical moments in family life.
It is important to understand that some family problems are inevitable. Psychologists distinguish crises of the first, third, seventh year. This is the influence of the age of the union on its development. It is believed that they occur in all spouses, but proceed differently. There are also difficult moments associated with changes in circumstances or problems in the family. For example, many parents are going through difficult times in relations with each other at the time of the move of matured children to their own apartments. A mortgage or the death of close relatives can be a big test for partners. Such crises, of course, are not always predetermined. If the family rallies around the problem and solves it together, then difficult circumstances do not become such a serious test for the relationship.
Establishing a dialogue is the main way to successfully navigate the crisis. Often, the cause of conflicts, quarrels or even attempts at parting is a whole belongings of problems that the family tries not to talk about. Many people think that it is safer and safer to “sweep the trash under the rug”. This is especially true of disagreements in the intimate sphere. But the suppression of problems leads to the fact that they accumulate, do not disappear anywhere, and sometimes even get worse. And there comes a moment when one of the spouses "breaks through". What else could be discussed with a little nervous tension becomes a reason for violent quarrels. Talking about family problems is an important way to make going through inevitable crises painless.
The ability to quarrel correctly is extremely important for family happiness. There is a stereotype that family quarrels are generally bad. Sometimes it's bad, but not at all. It is not realistic to do without conflicts at all. But to be able to solve them in the right way is a necessary thing. To do this, first, it will take courage in discussing problems. They need to be discussed "here and now" as they arise. Secondly, it is important to control your speech and behavior. There is such a concept: "point of no return" in a conflict. Usually these are words spoken in the heat of the moment that humiliate the spouse's parents or himself, after which reconciliation becomes impossible or very problematic. If you want to criticize each other during disagreements, it is better to direct sarcastic remarks to specific actions, and not to the person as a whole. “Now it annoys me that you didn't wash the dishes today,” sounds better than: “You are always sloppy, always and in everything.”
Develop ways to find a compromise. All life consists of them. It's a bit like a deal, only family compromises don't have hard dates, deadlines, or forms of payment. You need to be able to agree on how household chores, responsibility for finances, and other types of obligations between spouses will be distributed. If you learn to find options to make mutual concessions, you are unlikely to be afraid of any crises …