The adolescent crisis, which begins at the age of 11-13, is the worst period for parents. Even if the previous stages of growing up did not bring much trouble, grown-up children begin to present unpleasant surprises. How to deal with young rebels?
The adolescent crisis is associated with two characteristics: the desire for independence and puberty. Both components bring considerable discomfort to family life. The child begins to defend his freedom and, fighting with his parents, at the same time experiences an internal struggle, changes in his body, hormonal surges. You can either smooth out or exacerbate the difficult process of growing up.
Despite all the "beaten about the rights" of the teenager, he still needs sleep and nutrition. Rapid growth requires energy, which comes from proper nutrition and proper rest. But going to bed like the good old days will not work. Your task is to convey to the teenager the meaning of what you want from him.
The child has grown up and requires more freedom of action. Don't let this be too harsh. Create certain boundaries that should not be crossed, but leave room for maneuver within those boundaries. Let yourself make some decisions and be responsible for them.
You are afraid of the gap that has arisen between you and your child. But don't try to forcefully tie him to you. It will take several years, and he again wants to be with you. Now he needs some distance to taste independence, to take the first steps into adulthood, to fill the first bumps.
To prevent the desire for independence from gaining unthinkable turns, prevent the desire for independence. Let your teen have a sphere of influence in which you will not go. Do not delve into his things, do not enter the room without knocking, let's dispose of a small amount of money at his discretion.
Don't think that belt spanking will calm your teenager. Physical punishment will only exacerbate family conflicts. The teenager will treat you aggressively and distrustfully, and may even run away from home. But it is also necessary to punish for unacceptable behavior. As a punishment, you can deprive a teenager of one of his pleasures: the Internet, TV, walking with friends, etc. If you tell a teenager that in the event of this act he will receive certain sanctions, then you must keep your word. It follows from this that empty threats should be kept to oneself, and fair "penalties" should be enforced.
Talk to your teen like an adult. Calmly, respectfully, reasonably. Ask his opinion, consult on some issues, share your news and experiences. But don't go overboard. The details of your conflicts with your spouse and child are not worth discussing. It’s not easy for him without it.
Don't go to the other extreme. Some parents believe that if they dress like their children, behave and talk using teenage slang, they will gain trust and respect. In practice, this behavior is repulsive and causes confusion and dislike.
At this age, the child should have their own goals and plans to achieve them. You can help determine or provide a choice for the teenager himself. You can recommend some literature on this topic or throw a book on it.
Calls for freedom do not mean that your child no longer needs you. Your teenager needs your attention, support and wise advice more than ever. Be close, open to conversation, and willing to lend a helping hand if asked.
