How can a mother raise her son so that a man grows up, and not an infantile spoiled henpecked man?
Instructions
Step 1
It'll be hard. Complicated. Painfully. At least for the first time. Regardless of how strong the will of the woman is. Every day, trusting children's eyes will look into my mother's eyes and her child will ask questions, which will have to be answered honestly, but gently, choosing every word so as not to hurt, not offend, not shift her despair and her pain, her anger onto her little shoulders and resentment.
Step 2
What to do? Better to prepare in advance. After all, the divorce was not a surprise, a momentary decision that came true in one day. The list of questions that the baby will ask is not long. Where is daddy? When will dad come? Dad doesn't come because he doesn't love us anymore? Like that. Focusing on your son, his age, make your list. Give simple and as honest answers to questions as possible. There is no need to go into details, no need to lie, and in no case speak badly about the child's father.
Step 3
All your little person is feeling now is fear, insecurity, devastation. The son, the future man, sees that his mother is going through, and he is not able to influence it. Mental anguish, guilt, despair appear.
A child, being in a depressed state, seeks attention, support, proof of your love for him, guarantees that he is needed, that he will not be abandoned, that he is still loved and important.
Step 4
That is why you should not protect your ex-husband, the father of the child, from raising a son. It is difficult, but you should not deprive your son of meetings with his father. Give them freedom: let them walk, communicate, spend time alone. It is important to try to maintain a sincere friendship: let the child see that the attitude of the parents towards him has not changed. This, of course, is a utopia, and not every couple succeeds in maintaining good friendly relations after a divorce.
Step 5
Not always, but often it happens that time passes and the dad has a new family, where not everyone is happy with his communication with a child from another woman. Dad appears less and less, and then completely disappears from sight. What's going on with the mother? Realizing that her son is left without a man's upbringing, the mother begins to rush about. Either he pampers, pitying his child deprived of fate, or, on the contrary, applies harsh educational measures, fearing that the son will grow up too soft, having in front of him an example of only a female model of behavior. Mom tries to be a mother, taking on the responsibilities of a father. This is both hard and wrong.
Stop, exhale. Stay a mother, bring up in the manner that is close to you, do not humiliate your son with cuffs and iron discipline, try not to scream, let the boy be a child, do not shift some of your adult problems onto him. Have a conversation. Tell us what hurts when you are in pain, what is sad when you are sad. Talk about loving your baby and how he helps him through difficult times, bringing joy by his very existence. Understand that it is not easy for your son now. Listen to him before scolding him for a misdemeanor.
Once your grown son confesses that he watched other boys with dads almost with envy. What a feeling of emptiness there was in his little childish soul when he thought, looking at them: "And I don't have a daddy." And I tried not to show my feelings, because it’s hard for my mother, why should she know. And these feelings poured into prank and rudeness, hysterics and screams - not consciously, not to hurt and spite. Talk to him, make it clear that you understand and share all his emotions, tell him that what he feels is natural and all you want is to help. Be together, become best friends. But stay a mom!
Step 6
An incomplete family … This phrase will haunt you some time after the divorce. It used to be imperceptible, but now it just creeps into the ears, into the eyes. Incomplete, defective, dysfunctional … This is not at all true! Incomplete - this is when parents cannot get along together, this is when dad raises his hand to mom, this is when mom yells at dad, this is when the child and his interests, solving adult problems, no one pays attention anymore, when the main thing is not in the family - love, patience, trust. This is an incomplete, dysfunctional family. And a family where love reigns, where the child receives everything necessary for life, for full development, even if only one mother gives him all this - this is a harmonious, complete, prosperous family.
Step 7
One of the main torments of a woman raising her son on her own is concern about the lack of an example of male behavior. An example would be a grandfather, brother, family friend, classmate's dad, coach, teacher. Films and books, which reveal the image of a courageous, courageous, proud and kind hero, will be a good help in raising a son.
Step 8
Often in public transport you can see a picture: at the bus stop a grandmother with her grandson or a woman with her son enters the bus. She has a heavy bag in her hands. The boy is 6-7 years old and older. Someone gives way, and in place it is a grandmother or a mother flops the child, she herself stands, barely holding on to the handrail, and, sweating, with a tense tired face, holds her heavy burden. And the little boy sits and dangles his legs. Then we wonder why men do not give way to even pregnant women, the elderly, not to mention young women. They just do not think, not because they are bad, but because they are brought up that way.
Step 9
Help around the house. Sometimes a woman is afraid that if her boy, whom she brings up alone, begins to do housework, starting from folding his toys to washing the floors, dishes, and even goes shopping and tries to cook food himself, he will grow up effeminate, childish. Let him help. The son takes the initiative because he defines himself as a man, stronger, more resilient, he wants his mother to have a rest, tries to protect and preserves as best he can. Do not interfere with him. Let him help. Let him wash the dishes after dinner, or bring a bag of purchases from the store, let him try to hammer in a nail, or even ask your son for help yourself.
