According to statistics, about half a million marriages break up in Russia every year. Almost half of the broken up families have children. After a few years, 50% of divorced people find themselves a new second half, so a huge number of children are forced to get used to a new dad or mom.
Let's consider the option when the father and the child marry a second time, in connection with which his new darling has to establish relations with his child. The maximum task for a woman is to achieve obedience, understanding and sincerity in relations with him, and the desired minimum will be to maintain at least an even, non-conflict relationship.
Fatal consequences
The list of consequences in the event that contact cannot be established is always the same and predictable in such situations:
- the child will feel abandoned and unnecessary;
- family happiness will be incomplete or even impossible;
- the threat of the breakup of a young family will become quite real.
Difficult circumstances in establishing contact
- having half-brothers or sisters;
- a woman has little idea of how to behave in such a situation;
- the child has a persistent rejection of the stepmother.
Rules for communicating with the husband's child from his first marriage
Psychologists are unanimous in their opinion on the basic rules that a woman must adhere to in order to gain the trust of a step child:
- adequately assess the stop and psychoemotional state of the child;
- not to violate, not change and try to preserve the traditions adopted in the family;
- show respect and love to all family members;
- be calm about the fact that the child does not call his stepmother a mother;
- be ready for the manifestation of aggression or alienation;
- try to look at everything from the point of view of the child;
- with understanding and respect for the fact that the child loves his mother;
- make it clear that the child can count on additional support;
- do not allow yourself to be manipulated, humiliated in front of him, maintain self-respect;
- to teach the husband's child to communicate with his half-brothers or sisters.
Common mistakes women make
- abandoning further attempts to establish contact with the child after the first unsuccessful attempt;
- indifference or hostility to the child;
- attempts to influence the husband in order to force him to stop paying attention to his child;
- bad reviews addressed to the child's own mother, comparing oneself with her is not in her favor;
- overprotect the stepchild from fair punishment in the hope of being favorably disposed to.
Taking into account the age characteristics of the child
Toddlers and preschool children get used to a new family member easier and faster - they perceive a new person as a partner in communication and play.
It is more difficult with children of school age - they may already show unwillingness to accept the new darling of their father.
It is easier with adolescents in the sense that the transitional age and the desire for their independence make them less sensitive to their father's new marriage. They react less painfully, although there are difficulties here too.
Most adult children are understanding and are already able to cope with jealousy and understand the reasons for the changes in the way of their family life with their father.
The ability to take into account the age characteristics of children is already half the battle. If the child is very young, then it can be easily carried away and interested by becoming an interesting storyteller or play partner. In relation to a teenager, you should show maximum attention to his achievements and abilities, help in his studies or in matters of a personal nature. Older children need support in their self-determination and career guidance.
Sincere interest and participation are the main keys to a step child. He must understand that he has acquired a new true friend in your face.
