You and your husband have been waiting for this baby so much, counting the days until his appearance. Your spouse seemed to be the happiest person. The baby is born and something has changed. Daddy crumbs seemed to move away, stepped aside. He is afraid to take him in his arms, does not know from which side to approach the baby, what to do with him and what to talk about. If this is not changed, the child will grow up, and his father will remain "behind the scenes". But it's never too late to fix it. You can help dad and child get closer and involve a man in raising a child, even if it seems that time is lost.
Some dads are not always enthusiastic about raising a child. The reason may be quite simple. He does not know how to behave with the baby, he is afraid to do something wrong and hear crying.
Another reason, no matter how scary it may sound for mom, is a lack of love. Of course, a priori, he must love his baby. Our minds and genetics are aimed at loving and cherishing our offspring, our heirs. But dad, unlike mom, initially has much less connections with the baby. For nine months he did not carry the child under his heart and did not listen to how he kicks with his feet. He does not produce a special hormone oxytocin - the hormone of love and tenderness between the baby and the mother, which can appear in both only with one touch of her to the baby. It turns out that the father must love his child, but by and large he has to very quickly learn to love and learn to express this love.
This is another reason why it is more difficult for men with children than for women. Why are there all female teachers in kindergartens? The secret is in the emotional sphere - men are physiologically created in such a way that their whole essence is aimed at action, purpose, result. But the realm of emotions is much less active. And the women? They just have no problem with this, even in the absence of acting education.
Emotions and actions are two different foundations of our perception of the world. And they are different because the brain of a man and a woman is literally arranged differently. And now a woman who has no problems with emotions wants a man to be as loving, gentle and sweet with their baby as she is. But it is difficult for him to become exactly the same, to the same extent as to reshape his own brain. His love is focused on providing comfort for the baby. He is concerned about the availability of clothes, food, toys. But emotional attachment has to be developed.
How do you react if you are constantly reminded of your rights and responsibilities? What if someone gave you a daily list of what you owe and to whom. It is unlikely that this was perceived with enthusiasm. If a man is constantly reminded that he should love and cherish his child, it will only cause him despondency or even rejection. Indeed, he does not doubt at all in his love for the baby and may be indignant, why does the spouse not see his efforts to provide for the family.
Help in the emotional rapprochement between the father and the child will be effective if it is invisible.
Forget about "you have to", "you have to". Just like any people become bosom friends just by spending time together, so dad and his child will become friends if they start communicating. Even when the child's communication is still non-verbal, without words. For example, hand rattles into the hands of your husband, tell him that this is a responsible task - to teach the baby to concentrate on the subject. And you, suddenly it happened, urgently need to do some homework.
Try to make fewer comments to your spouse while playing with your child. Intervene only when, through ignorance, the husband can endanger the health of the crumbs.
If the father does not know what to do with the rattle, play three of us. Show how you work with your child, how you cherish him. And again, leave a little with dad.
Teach him to show affection for his little one. Kiss your baby on one cheek and leave the other for dad. The more often he shows affection, the more his affection will increase.
Playing with older children is already a much more interesting and exciting activity. Here the dad can act as a patient and a client in a hairdressing salon. With a boy, they can make a bird house, repair a typewriter, hammer in a nail for a picture and even fry an omelet for a tired beloved mother. With a girl - cure her dolls, pull out outfits and have a fashion show. Dad will only have to sit in the audience and applaud the young model. There are many variations. And if your spouse doesn't know about them, tell him.
It is interesting and useful to work together with children who are a little older. Tell your husband to take his son to wash the car together, go shopping. If you have a garden plot, involve children in gardening activities. Dad rakes the leaves - the daughter will help to put them in bags, the dad is watering the beds - the daughter can take up her little watering can. Yes, dad doesn't have to teach only his son about household matters. Although learning to work with a girl lies mostly with a woman, dad can also do some household chores with his daughter.
Men can be very successful in raising children. They are able to learn how to weave pigtails on their daughter's head, sing lullabies and come up with incredible entertainment for children. The main thing is to suggest what, where and how, if everything is just beginning, to praise, to thank for the help and never compare with the neighbors' fathers. In many ways, the extent to which a man will be involved in raising a child and with what mood depends on the mother herself.
