Sometimes it is very difficult with children. They whine a lot, indulge in, cry and, it seems, openly mock us. It is doubly difficult if at this time you are in a public place, where, in addition to the hysterical child, numerous views and comments of others fall upon you.
Any whim of a child is an unmet need. The same unmet and the same needs that are inherent in us as adults. And the difference between adults and children is only that young children do not yet know what to do with this frustrated (unmet) need.
They do not yet know how to be aware of it
They don't know how to talk about her
They cannot ask for help
They do not know how and do not even know yet that their emotions and desires can be contained and hidden
For this, they have parents who must help them with this. Find out what's going on and reduce discomfort as much as possible. This is precisely the main role of a parent and of an adult in general. It’s not at all about punishing and “educating”.
Let's take a look at some examples.
- Always such a calm and obedient two-year-old Vanechka today is just some kind of devil. He screams, whines, kicks. And the reason is in the neighbor's hammer drill. Vanechka slept this afternoon, but restlessly and anxiously, he could not fully rest. Mom did not take this into account, and people are in sight and do not have to know this. But at the same time, we must understand that the boy behaves so ugly not because he is a bad boy, but because for some reason he is now uncomfortable.
- Five-year-old Masha often offends her younger sister, and she herself constantly cries, whines, is capricious. There are not enough forces. What parents did not do: they scolded, and talked, and punished - nothing helps. And Masha simply does not feel the love of her parents after the birth of her sister. All their attention is given to the youngest, they lisp with her, they are affectionate with her. And Masha is already an adult, she herself has to cope with many things.
- At his seven years old, Oleg's parents simply overwhelm him with gifts, since the family's income allows him. But every time in the store Oleg is hysterical: he whines, then screams, swears, begs for more and more new toys. Why? If we dig deeper, we find out that Oleg's parents buy only what they think is necessary. They never ask, what does Oleg want? After all, he always wants something completely different from what is “right” and beautiful.
- Even the notorious pampering (this happens less often than adults think, but still occurs) - this is the child's need for boundaries. Yes, don't be surprised, the child has a need for boundaries. It is with her help that he learns to adequately perceive this world and find his place in it.
Thus, we see that behind any whim of the child there is some kind of unmet need. You just need to be attentive to your children, discern it, find out and, if possible, eliminate it. And then everyone will be fine: both children and parents.
