Women often do not know what to say to children in a situation when a man leaves the family. Some are afraid of traumatizing the child, others cannot find the right words, and still others, because of resentment, silently delete their husband from their and children's lives. In fact, it is imperative to tell the truth to children, since they understand a lot, but they require clarity and an accurate definition of the event.
Basic Rules
Psychologists say that the child should know that the father has left the family, as secrets, omissions and the tense atmosphere around are an excellent breeding ground for the emergence of many children's fears and fantasies. The ideal solution would be a conversation between the three - when the mother and father calmly explain to the child the essence of what is happening, without turning the conversation into another conflict. Thus, the main responsibility of the parents in this situation is to help the child in the experience and awareness of their divorce.
There is no need to look for lengthy and complex explanations - they can only frighten and puzzle the child.
If the father is not around, the mother in no case should denigrate him in the eyes of children, speaking of him with contempt and hatred. The phrases "dad abandoned us", "dad betrayed us" and so on are strictly prohibited - as a result of such explanations, a child can shift the blame for his father's departure onto himself and suffer from this for the rest of his life. It is necessary to patiently explain that, despite the incident, the child is still loved and will be cared for. If the departed husband has broken all contacts with the family, it should be conveyed to the child that this happens and adults are sometimes forced to leave due to certain circumstances. At the same time, it is necessary to answer all children's questions, even if they are repeated repeatedly - this way the child can cope with anxiety and uncertainty.
Additional nuances
The amount of information about the husband's departure should depend on the age of the child - the younger he is, the less you can tell him. Older children in such a situation can behave more emotionally, so they need to be supported, express their regret and be sure to emphasize that the two of them can cope with what happened. It should also be remembered that the child should be informed about the departure of the husband only if a final decision is made - otherwise, the returning father will cause the child to cognitive dissonance and completely confuse him.
When talking with a child, it is very important to monitor your emotional state and maintain maximum calmness - tears and tantrums will only scare him.
If the husband is just going to leave, it is advisable to inform the child about this a few months or weeks before the divorce (only in a calm atmosphere). To prepare him for leaving, you can say that the father is leaving for a long business trip or will work away from home. This will help the child get used to and come to terms with the absence of a father without much emotional upheaval.
