Strange headline phrase - isn't it? However, if you think about it, many parents do not understand that raising children is not just teaching them order, requiring them to meet parental needs, but also a deep understanding of the needs and requirements of their child, and from the very birth
Of course, we all love our children in our own way. But how do we love them? As an object of your admiration, as a product of your labor, or as a hope for the continuation of the race? As a support in old age, after all?
Many will say that you should not accuse them of selfishness and hang labels. I propose to such people to walk along a city street after a working day, especially in the area of a kindergarten. Nervous parents shout at children so much that another adult cannot withstand such an onslaught. And the child is nothing - after 5 minutes he forgets everything, and loves his mother as before. However, every emotion is recorded in the subconscious, and if they are constantly manifested, then a negative attitude towards life is formed from birth.
From the first days of life, the child is directly connected with his mother, it is through her that he perceives this huge world. He already has his own needs, the most important of which is to establish contact with the world, which for him is still in his mother. And she thinks that the baby cries when he is hungry or when his tummy hurts. It turns out that the baby at this time learns to distinguish voices, respond to the intonation of speech and the mood of people, and express his own emotions. This is a kind of life university for him.
Why in the first year of a child's life can it be mostly mom who calm him down? Because her constant proximity is important to him as a guarantee of complete protection. He will learn to perceive the energy of dad and grandparents much later, when he is ready. Therefore, one should not reproach the father for the fact that the child does not want to sit in his arms, and that the man cannot find a common language with him. At this time, the husband can provide moral support to his wife, then the baby will receive this energy. If the relationship between mom and dad leaves much to be desired, the child will instantly feel it and react with abdominal pain or restless sleep.
In the first year of life, the emotions of the parents, especially the mother, are very important for the child. Everything that is negative in her relationships with loved ones, he refers to himself, because he cannot yet address responsibility to others: the baby feels that only he is to blame for all these troubles. And in the future, he may begin to feel guilty for everything, no matter what he does, and he will consider himself a victim of this unfriendly world. The first year of life is the first year of his education, when the images created for him by his mother in relations with other people become his personal images. Here and now, the baby develops an attitude towards life.
It is very useful for any mother to be able to look from the outside at her interaction with the child and understand what kind of emotional education she gives him. The child is like a radio receiver that picks up the slightest changes in mom's mood. What waves are you sending him? Sad, anxious, annoyed or confident, calm, peaceful, happy? Of course, it is impossible to stay in a good mood all the time, but it is quite possible to understand your constant emotional background. Psychologists divide the relationship between mothers and children into several groups. Try to find yourself in one of the types and understand your mistakes.
Type1. In this case, the mother does not understand what her child needs now, why he is crying - she is not in tune with him. Mom feverishly changes diapers, feeds or gives a nipple, and if these mechanical actions do not help, she begins to get irritated. She can yell at him and tries to rock him to put him to bed faster, not realizing that the child wants attention and communication. Deep down, she knows this, but does not want to give so much time to the child, citing busyness and fatigue. Such mothers distract children with bright pictures on TV, a pacifier and rattles - let him work out with himself. These mothers do not understand that inside the child is still crying, and this emotion will remain with him for life.
And if the mother tries to put as much positive as possible in the baby in the first year of life, then he will trust the world and grow up to be a happy person. If this does not happen, fear and distrust of the world will become the main background of his life. Therefore, it is worth paying maximum attention to the baby in the first year in order to build a solid foundation for his life.
Type 2. Mothers of this type are partially in tune with the baby - this is the most common type. They like it when the child is cheerful and calm, but as soon as he begins to be capricious, this causes a reaction of discontent, they begin to scold the baby. In this case, the child begins to understand that something is wrong with him. By monitoring the reaction of his parents to his behavior, he begins to adapt to them in order to please. Such a child usually grows into an opportunist, depending on the mood of other people. This person will run away from responsibility, will consider himself a victim of circumstances or, on the contrary, manipulate people, including parents.
Type 3. Moms of this type can be called "exaggeratedly anxious." They inadequately respond to the baby's requests - violently and loudly, so that he is even frightened. He is afraid of the emotions that mom shows in relation to him and accuses himself that he behaves wrong - not like mom. He will grow up insecure and will constantly look around at others, as if checking his reaction with their behavior, he will not have his own opinion and independence in making decisions.
As you can see, any exaggeration or inattention in relation to a child in the first year of his life leads to a violation of his psyche and the adequacy of self-awareness in this world. Apparently, during this period, it is worth making every effort to communicate with the baby, in order to thereby build the basis for the formation of a strong personality.
