Sooner or later, any family with an adopted child is faced with the question of whether it is worth revealing to children the secret of their adoption. Of course, everyone has the right to independently decide whether to tell their children the truth or not. But experts are of the opinion that a cordial conversation is purely very favorable. The existence of any secret in the family contributes to the emergence of reticence, distrust and deterioration of interpersonal relationships.
When deciding to tell your child the truth about his origin and appearance in your family, you should take into account his age characteristics.
So, if your child is from 0 to 3 years old, then this is the very period when you can already start laying the foundation for the formation of an understanding in the child that he is adopted. It is important to remember that at this age for him the main thing is your attitude and manifestation of love. The child does not yet make a distinction between "ours" and "aliens." If you start at this particular age, the child will get used to the fact that there is nothing wrong with the concept of “adopted”.
In the case when the child's age is from 3 to 7 years, it is even easier to start a conversation with him. Children of this age tend to ask many questions about where they came from. It is this age period that is considered the most successful for the "disclosure of secrets." It is important that you need to explain everything to the child in simple words. The child may turn to the parents several times with a request and a question to tell again about how he appeared in your family. Parents need to answer all his questions again, while paying attention to how correctly the child understood the story you told earlier.
Between the ages of 7 and 12, children are already sufficiently aware of the story that happened to them. This age is characterized by the importance of following the rules and adhering to the principles of justice, so they need to combine the feelings that they have for their adoptive parents and biological. At this stage, initiative in the discussion of the issue of adoption by the adoptive parents themselves may be required.
The adolescence of children is not the best stage for solving the secret of adoption. Teenagers are faced with the need for self-identification, self-determination. This is a period of doubts, worries and uncertainty in everything that surrounds them. The news that he is an adopted child in the family can bring even more chaos into his inner world. But if there is a possibility that the teenager may learn this secret from other people, then it is necessary that the adoptive parents talk to him and reveal the secret of adoption. It is better for a teenager to learn everything from loved ones. Also during this period, it is important to support the teenager and remind him that you love and value him.
