In the process of raising children, parents have to answer many questions. This is not always easy. It is especially difficult for many parents to talk with their children about sex.
In a world that has experienced the "sexual revolution", sex is no longer perceived as a taboo topic. But even in such conditions, parents do not always imagine how to start a conversation with a child on such an intimate topic. There are many pitfalls for parents here.
Typical parenting mistakes
“The child is still small, will grow up - he will have time to find out,” some parents reason. They are right about one thing: the child does learn what sex is, but not quite the way the parents would like.
Children have experienced peers and older friends. There are numerous magazines and sites of very dubious content, where children may well read that 12 is the right age for starting a sexual life, and there is nothing dangerous about abortion. It may happen that the parents, without getting ready to talk to their children about a sexual topic, find that their teenage daughter is already pregnant or the son has "made happy" a classmate.
Parents whose children have reached adolescence can go to the other extreme: "It is better to explain everything as it is and give the child a condom - it will be calmer, it will not get infected with anything, and will not get pregnant (if we are talking about a daughter)." Such "sex education" not only declares permissiveness in sexual behavior, but also gives vicious attitudes. Pregnancy is ranked on a par with syphilis, AIDS and gonorrhea, not seen as a desirable event, but as a danger to be avoided. Will a person with such attitudes be able to create a happy family in the future?
The outstanding Czech teacher Ya.A. Komensky considered nature conformity to be one of the fundamental principles of teaching and upbringing: everything should happen in due time. The child himself will "tell" the parents when it is time to start a conversation. At about 3-4 years old, he will ask the question: "Where did I come from?"
Reasonable parents do not get off with fairy tales about a stork, cabbage or a store, but calmly answer: "You grew up in your mother's belly." It is not worth explaining all the subtleties right away, and they are not of interest to the child yet. At the most he can ask: "How did I appear in my mother's tummy?" You can answer, for example, like this: "Dad planted a seed there, and you grew up." And it is accessible to children's understanding, and corresponds to the truth. The preschooler will be satisfied with such information.
Junior school age
In senior preschool and primary school age, as soon as the child learns to read, it is important to interest him in scientific and educational children's literature, including one that describes the structure and functioning of the human body. Having got used to reading about the structure and work of the cardiovascular, digestive or nervous system, the child will not be surprised when parents offer him a book on the anatomy and functioning of the reproductive organs.
You need to give a child such a book so that the boy starts having wet dreams, and the girl gets her period. When this happens, the child should already understand what is happening, then bleeding or sperm outpouring will not cause fear. Considering how early puberty occurs in modern children, the book should be given to the child no later than 9-10 years of age.
It is very important to choose the right book. There is no shortage of children's literature of this kind now, but not every book can be safely given to a child. For example, there is a book by W. Darville and K. Powell "Children about Sex", where the authors "heap" anal sex, homosexuality and … love of God. Therefore, parents, before giving a book to a child, must read it themselves from cover to cover.
The best option are books where the sexual topic is associated with conception, intrauterine development and childbirth. Often in such books there is a plot frame: the hero is a boy or girl with whom the child can identify himself, is waiting for the birth of a brother or sister, or watching his uncle and aunt getting ready to become parents. An example is the book by LN Gudkovich and VI Zhelvis "For boys and girls".
With this approach, sex in the child's mind is immediately associated with the concepts of family and procreation. In the future, he learns that they do not always have sex in order to get pregnant, that there are contraceptives, but initially an associative connection must be established. Lack of such an attitude can lead to early pregnancy in adolescence: a teenager will have sex without thinking about what it might lead to.
Of course, education should not be limited to reading books. Parents can unobtrusively start a conversation with their child about the book they have read. The child will surely have some questions. They should be answered calmly, without creating the impression that we are talking about something extraordinary.
The problem of parental conversation about sex with a teenager deserves a separate consideration. A teenager is no longer quite a child. But it should be remembered that in adolescence those attitudes and value orientations that were formed in the child earlier will develop.