Good interlocutors are not born, they become - for this you need to work on yourself for a long time and hard. To become a good conversationalist, you first need to get rid of common habits that can ruin any conversation.
Communication is the main form of interaction between people. A good interlocutor has no problems with building relationships in any sphere of life - such a person easily finds a common language with colleagues at work, is often the soul of the company at friendly meetings, and even when he is among unfamiliar people, he does not get into trouble.
However, good interlocutors are not born, they become, working on themselves. It is not enough just to be able to speak to become a good conversationalist. You need to know at least a minimal list of common habits that can ruin any conversation - it is these shortcomings that you need to get rid of in the first place so that people begin to see you as a good interlocutor.
The first habit: interrupt the interlocutor, often argue and not be able to listen
If a person constantly argues and interrupts his interlocutor, this is an indicator of disrespect and bad manners. A good interlocutor never interrupts and knows how to listen to the speaker. Moreover, a good conversationalist doesn't just wait in line to say something, he takes a keen interest in what his partner is saying. The more a person is immersed in a conversation, the more people want to communicate with him in the future. Hardly anyone is pleased to be interrupted or let the words go deafening. Most people want to be listened to, treated with understanding, and are reluctant to strike up conversations with those who are not interested in them.
How to stop interrupting the interlocutor and learn to listen? Try to sincerely get carried away by the conversation, ask the questions you are interested in about your partner, find common interests and discuss them. Try to listen carefully, let the person finish the sentence before you start speaking.
Habit # 2: speak quickly and constantly rush somewhere
Do you often look at your watch during a conversation? Constantly distracted? Speak quickly and indistinctly, as if you have been in a hurry all your life? It is worth getting rid of these habits! Constant haste during a conversation is a signal for the interlocutor that he is not important to you and it is not interesting to communicate with him. Not surprisingly, after such a conversation, people will try to avoid you and reluctantly communicate.
How to stop rushing during a conversation? If you often look at your watch or phone while checking the time, give up these things while talking. Try to meet with friends and colleagues when you really have time for them. If you are used to speaking quickly, it will take some time, desire, and tremendous effort to learn to speak more slowly and get used to it.
Habit Three: Gossip and Complain
You should not immediately start a conversation with gossip and stories about your problems to people you do not know well enough. Ideally, it is necessary to get rid of the habit of constantly complaining about life and gossip altogether. For such things, there are best friends and friends whom you trust as yourself and who are not averse to hearing about the new boyfriend of your neighbor from the apartment across the street.
In a conversation with colleagues, acquaintances, and even more so with people whom you see for the first time, you should avoid gossip and complaints about your life. Firstly, it will alienate the interlocutor, and secondly, you need to remember that people can use the information they receive for their own purposes and this, most likely, will turn against you. In addition, if the interlocutor sees that you are saying something bad about someone, he will think that you speak badly about him too, while he is not around.
How to stop gossiping and complaining? If you have problems, try to solve them at least partially - talk with loved ones, ask for advice or help. Remember that constant complaints are usually perceived negatively by people, which, in turn, will sooner or later lead to problems in relationships.
If you don't have a person to whom you can tell everything, keep a diary for yourself. As soon as you want to speak out, tell some gossip or about your problems, write down all your thoughts on paper. Regarding problems, such records will help analyze the situation, think and find the right solution. For the same purposes, you can use a voice recorder or primitive artificial intelligence, for example, Alice from Yandex.
During the conversation, try to restrain yourself from the desire to tell the next gossip or problem. If you see that the interlocutor, asking "How are you?", Is sincerely not interested in the upcoming stories about your personal life, try to answer shortly, for example, "Everything is great with me."
Habit four: do not look at the interlocutor
When you are talking to someone, you cannot tear yourself away from your smartphone? Has the newspaper caught your eye like a magnet? Or maybe you are constantly walking up and down the room during a conversation? Lack of eye contact undoubtedly spoils any conversation. A good conversation partner tries to make eye contact with your partner - this is one of the main ways to generate mutual interest, and also one of the indicators that you are listening carefully.
How do you learn to make eye contact? To begin with, before the conversation, remove away everything that will distract you: smartphone and tablet, newspapers and magazines, remove your wristwatch if you constantly look at it, and so on. Try to make eye contact as you talk. If you are uncomfortable looking someone in the eye, at least just look at your partner. Over time, you will get used to it and you will no longer feel discomfort. The more often you practice eye contact, the faster you will achieve results and then during the conversation you will automatically look into the eyes of the interlocutor.
Habit # 5: Asking Tactful Questions
Most often, tactless questions confuse the interlocutor, and in some people they cause irritation and aggression. Most people lose the desire to communicate with those who constantly ask such uncomfortable questions when they meet. Most often people ask the following tactless questions:
About personal life:
- "When will you get married?"
- "You have a boyfriend?"
- "You've been together for so many years, why don't you get married?"
- "When are you planning to have children?"
About work:
- "Do you still work there?"
- "How much do you earn?"
Regarding health and appearance:
- "Why are you so thin?"
- "Why won't you lose weight?"
- "Do you have your own hair / eyelashes / or extended ones?"
How to stop asking tactless questions? Before asking an uncomfortable question, put yourself in the place of the interlocutor. Would you like to be asked similar questions? How do you feel when asked in this way about your personal life, career, appearance, or health? If you cannot tactfully answer your own question, you should not ask the other person. Better yet, remember the most common uncomfortable questions and try not to use them during the conversation.
By breaking these habits, you will become better not only as an interlocutor, but also as a person in general. You will have more friends and acquaintances, you will become the soul of the company, people will be drawn to you. Of course, the most difficult work is work on yourself, because it requires a lot of time, effort and desire, but the final result is undoubtedly worth it. Believe in yourself and you will definitely succeed!
