Conflicts not only badly affect our well-being and mood, but are often very expensive in material terms. After all, a frustrated person cannot continue to work well and his thoughts are not concentrated on work. So how do you defuse conflict and calm your partner and yourself?
Instructions
Step 1
Solve this problem in two steps. At the first stage, remove the acuteness of the conflict, at the second, dot the i. Between stages should elapse from 3 to 48 hours. The time you need to wait depends on how quickly your partner is able to calm down. You will start the second stage ahead of time - the conflict will flare up even more, you will be late - your partner will not have the desire to solve the problem and, quite possibly, the conflict will repeat itself due to the unresolved problem.
Step 2
Start the first step as early as possible, ideally before sunset, or before bedtime. At night, the brain processes daytime information and draws conclusions. If you fall asleep without making up, in the morning you and your partner will have to overcome the barrier of the negative conclusions already made by the brain.
Step 3
At the first stage, do "pain relief". First you need to sort of get out of the situation, imagine that the conflict is not with you. Then it's easier to find some of your fault. Having found her, honestly admit your guilt, no matter how offensive or unfair it may seem. At the same time, you should have a guilty look, acting in such a situation is quite acceptable and even necessary.
Step 4
When accusations fall on you, turn them into a neutral form, at the same time softening your guilt. To the accusation "We live forever in a pigsty" answer: "I know that you love cleanliness and I try, but I do not always have the strength to do everything the way you love."
Step 5
Then try to eliminate the subject of the conflict, for example, clean up at least superficially, feed a hungry husband, buy good wine and a good movie. And leave the situation alone, better until the next morning.
Step 6
But you cannot stop at this stage. The root cause of the conflict has not been eliminated, in this example it is that you allow yourself to quarrel and be rude to each other because of the cleaning. Get up early in the morning, prepare aromatic coffee and rolls (ideally, bake yourself so that your husband wakes up and smells the baked goods), put breakfast in front of bed. And then call for a frank conversation.
Step 7
Start by saying that you cannot deal with the problem without his help. If you work full time, it is fair to ask your husband to help you clean up. The most unpleasant procedures can be performed with a frequency of 2: 1, that is, the husband performs this procedure every three weeks. Add that by doing so it will show an example of how to do it correctly. And you will be equal to it for the remaining 2 weeks.
Step 8
Then say that it is very painful for you to hear high-pitched speech and insults, and that this makes it difficult to concentrate on work. And listen to how he proposes to continue to express his dissatisfaction with more benign methods. Humor won't hurt. You can look for other options for a compromise solution to the problem. The main thing is that you need to carefully convey to your husband that insults are unacceptable in your relationship with him.
Step 9
Solve any conflict, first of all admitting your guilt, this is the price of peace. But you cannot stop at this stage, you need to find the right moment and prepare the base so that such a conflict does not arise in the future.
