Divorce is not decided because of a good life. There are situations where this is the only way out, but there are situations where it is worth considering. In any case, the decision made will irreversibly change the lives of not only the spouses, but also their children.
There are happy unions, but sometimes it is better for spouses to separate. The ideal option is a divorce without scandals and reproaches, peaceful, when both partners remain friends. However, this situation is not common.
Break up or stay?
The main reason for the breakup is mutual misunderstanding, inability to listen, and the desire to maintain a relationship. Deciding to get divorced is not because of a good life. Alcoholism, drug addiction, domestic tyranny are good reasons for parting. The rest of the situations require deliberation.
Usually, a marriage becomes happy if the partner is working on themselves and looking for compromise solutions together. But not every person is ready for such an approach. In heaven, alliances are rare.
- Often people are disappointed in each other, instead of working on the relationship, they decide to leave.
- Both live in the same apartment, but in the full sense of the word they are not a couple.
- As a good reason, there is a complete mismatch of characters, temperaments.
Divorce in such cases may be the only solution for everyone. It is better to disperse if it is impossible to continue living together. And children are not a reason for maintaining a relationship. Both the hostility and the indifference between mom and dad are equally traumatic for the child.
Whatever the reasoning, however, divorce was and remains stressful even in the event of a peaceful breakup. Both during and after the breakup, partners can feel relief, joy, and even euphoria.
But very quickly such feelings are replaced by fear of the future, insecurity, despair, regret and wasted time in a failed marriage. After a break, such manifestations are the norm. They will pass over time if experienced correctly.
It is believed that after a breakup, the chance of finding a suitable partner increases. There are new opportunities for building happier relationships. This is only partly true.
How to make the right decision
For a more successful union, serious work on mistakes will be required:
- lessons to be learned from past marriage;
- change yourself; realize their own responsibility and personal contribution to the collapse of the previous relationship.
So, divorce is not always an ideal solution to problems. Even severe, protracted family crises can be survived. After that, the husband and wife go to a new level of relationship.
Psychologists offer a free test. The couple imagine that at least ten years have passed since the divorce. Both must look at themselves in a new life: where are they, how, with whom. Further, everyone looks at themselves with their eyes from the outside, trying to give themselves advice on finding a new partner.
Perhaps the point is that there is a search for an ideal person that does not exist, or the search is aimed at a copy of the parent. Then all attempts at new relationships are doomed to failure.
There is a second test. The wife and husband are invited to remember:
- why they fell in love with each other;
- what was good between them.
Everyone answers the questions and asks the partner the same thing. If both can answer honestly, remember these moments, then the marriage can be saved.
Alternatively, the spouses can live separately for three months:
- if during this time they are drawn to each other, then life itself has proved that it is possible and necessary to save a relationship;
- if you live separately - the long-awaited goal of at least one, the union is doomed.
Constant lack of money, depression due to constant scandals, when the very thought of lack of freedom, dependence on this particular family kills, are good reasons for breaking up. If it is not possible to either save the marriage or improve the relationship, psychologists will help both the spouses and their children survive the divorce.
It is important to remember that a new marriage may turn out to be a deteriorated copy of the previous one, if none of the partners wants to change, does not understand that not only the former spouse is to blame for the breakup.
