Often, creating a harmonious family does not work the first time. By remarrying, a woman may face the fact that her husband has children from his first marriage. The main thing is to remember that there are no other people's children. Patience, a desire to make contact and knowledge of some of the basics of behavior will help establish trusting, friendly relations within the family.
Instructions
Step 1
No matter how old a child is, the way to his heart is through attention, care and affection. Try to keep your voice friendly and your smile genuine. Children are acutely aware of the falsity in the behavior of adults. If you yourself are not ready for close communication, do not rush things. Give yourself and your child time to get used to each other. The first stage will be observation and collection of information: what kind of dishes the child likes, fairy tales, films, etc.
Step 2
Try to negotiate. Most often, the child's aggression is caused by negative statements by his mother about everything that happens. Tactfully explain to your stepson or stepdaughter that you do not wish evil and are not going to take the honorable mother's place. Ask the child's permission to be just a friend and helper. You will also have to improve relations with the ex-wife of her husband. Nobody asks you to become best friends, but you will have to solve many questions regarding child education together. Try to prove that in the current situation, conflicts are inappropriate - the child will suffer first.
Step 3
In the absence of a biological mother (death, etc.), the child may feel jealous: before that, they somehow coped with dad together. Be patient. If your mother's belongings remain in the house, treat them with care. Respect the memory of your child and husband. Show your child how you love his father: with words, deeds. At the same time, mention that you love your child, because he is now part of your family. Phrases like: “You know, I love your dad very much and I want to make him happy. But for happiness, it is important for us that you feel good and comfortable. The problem is, I don’t understand what you love and what you don’t. Can you help me figure this out?"
Step 4
Find common ground with your child. These can be general hobbies, help in educational activities, etc. Praise your child's successes more often and tactfully point out deficiencies in behavior. Avoid phrases like: “What a clumsy you are! All (all) in the mother! ". Children love when they are initiated into some secret. Ask for help to surprise the head of the family: prepare dinner or choose a gift. Do not try to re-educate the already established children's character, in response you will receive: “Don't tell me what to do! You are not my mother! " Be more tactful: "Daddy praised you for being … why are you different with me?" or “I am interested in the reasons for your actions. If you explain them, we can come to an understanding."
Step 5
Ask your spouse to be involved in the relationship building process. Go or go somewhere three of us. It is important to avoid comparison with the child's real mother. Let the husband refuse statements and any advertising in favor of you, for example: "How delicious you cook borscht, but … the name … did not know how to do it!".
Step 6
If you also have a child from your first marriage, it is recommended to abandon the comparative analysis of both children: this one learns better, etc. Try to take into account all interests, and in quarrels, be the most objective, abstracting from blood ties. Explain to the children that there is no concept of "friend or foe" in a real family, and any attempt to discriminate will be severely punished. However, do not force children to always play with each other if they don’t want to. Only gradual rapprochement and the search for common interests will form a strong relationship.
