Many parents find it difficult to accept the fact that children do not come into this world in order to justify someone's hopes and live the ideal life of their parents. Often, parental ambitions do not allow the child to open up and become himself, thereby killing a free and independent personality in him.
In some families, the child has not yet had time to be born, when the parents have already drawn up a detailed plan of his life: which kindergarten he will go to, what books he will love, what he will be interested in, which school he will study at, which university he will graduate from, where he will work, when and with whom he will marry, etc.
The origins of such Napoleonic plans for the life of children are in the childhood of the parents themselves. Once my mother wanted to become a ballerina, to win the hearts of the audience with her “pas” and perform on the best stages in the world. And dad once dreamed of becoming a great football player for whom the world's best teams would compete. But something went wrong, and these dreams turned out to be unfulfilled. Becoming parents, these people try to make their unrealized dreams come true through children.
When do parents' ambitions prevent their children from living?
All parents can be roughly divided into 3 categories:
- Parents who give the child complete freedom in the choice of hobbies. With such parents, children are engaged only in those circles and sections that they really like. At the same time, parents do not control their visit. If the child decides to stop going to any circle or section, they will not insist on continuing classes. Complete freedom is, of course, good. But children are children, they are characterized by inconstancy. They are still learning self-control and self-discipline. Therefore, it is important to teach them to overcome difficulties, which will always be, regardless of the type of activity. For example, you can agree with the child that he will attend each new section or circle for at least 6 months.
- Parents who try to give their child maximum opportunities for development. These parents take their children to all kinds of circles and sections, fully loading the child, not leaving him a minute of free time. It is vital for a child to play, have fun and sometimes be carefree. There were cases when, due to excessive stress, children began to stutter, withdraw into themselves, and sometimes experienced problems with the nervous system.
- Parents living through a child that they did not live by themselves. This category of adults does not even try to take into account the desires, aspirations and inclinations of their children. If a mother wanted to play the violin as a child, then her child must do it. Even if he has no hearing. If dad did not become an engineer, then his son certainly must. Even if he is not at all friendly with mathematics and physics.
Such parents, without realizing it, limit the development of their children. A child can succeed in drawing and become a successful designer, and instead plays hated scales. The son could become a successful photographer, and instead studies to be an economist, while realizing that he will not work a day in this profession.
The consequences of parental pressure
Not all children are purposeful from birth. Some people really need a starting "push" and support. But at the same time, it is always necessary to listen to the interests and inclinations of the child.
Parents who put pressure on a child often do not even think about the possible negative consequences. Preschoolers who are under pressure for a long time are often whiny, nervous, and withdrawn. Some have enuresis and stuttering.
Younger schoolchildren often become apathetic, lethargic, get sick a lot and stop being interested in their studies.
In adolescent children, protest reactions are often observed, when the child skips classes and school, snaps, rebelles. Some adolescents become addicted to smoking and the use of alcohol and psychoactive substances.
It is important to remember that children are not an extension of their parents, but independent individuals. And the task of parents is to help their child to open up and become himself, and not his more successful copy.
