It often happens that once strong feelings for a partner weaken, love leaves, the couple breaks up. All that remains is pain, disappointment and an attempt to find the cause of what happened. Many people blame themselves for everything, others shift the responsibility to a partner, and still others consider external factors to be the cause. But from the point of view of psychology, the matter is completely different.
At the very beginning of a relationship, a man and a woman overly idealize each other. They exaggerate the positive qualities of their partner and do not notice the shortcomings. Often the partner is credited with such properties that he does not possess, and it is unlikely that he will ever acquire. Even if the positive qualities turn out to be quite real in practice, the negative ones are perceived as trifles, accidents and misunderstandings. Being in captivity of illusions, everyone perceives this as a comfortable state and is in no hurry to part with delusions.
The roots of the described phenomenon go back to the early childhood of a person. By the age of 3, a small child not only realizes his love for his parents, but also idealizes them. He does not notice parental flaws, and their positive sides overshadow everything else. Usually, by puberty, this stage of love for parents passes. But if this does not happen, the young man or girl in the future will have difficulty finding a soul mate. They will look for some ideal partner and part at the first sign of his "imperfection".
After some time, the relationship in a couple after a period of idealization comes to the next stage - depreciation. This is inevitable if a man and a woman get closer and start spending a lot of time together, start living together. And the stronger the illusions were during the first stage, the more they collapse. The partner's shortcomings become unbearable. It is difficult to survive this period, since in the beloved the negative qualities are now exaggerated and the positive ones are not noticed at all. Parting most often occurs at this stage. After all, many people think that changing a partner is much easier than working on an already existing relationship.
The adolescent goes through the same stage during his puberty and social maturation. He notices the shortcomings of his parents, more often they are exaggerated in his mind. Often he no longer notices the positive qualities of his parents. By the age of 18-21, this stage also passes. But if for some reason this does not happen, the young man or girl will not trust their real and potential partners, and this will negatively affect relationships with the opposite sex.
The third stage of the relationship between a man and a woman is integration. Not everyone reaches it, but only those who worked on relationships during the period of depreciation. In other words, he fought to preserve them. At this stage, partners really look at each other and see all the pros and cons of each. And they behave naturally, not trying to show themselves in the best possible light. At this stage, true love for life begins.