When parents seek help from psychologists, neurologists, psychiatrists, they often want the doctor or specialist to change the child. It is such a desire (often still unconscious) that the doctor would give a magic pill, and the child became obedient, or pressed a button somewhere on the child so that he would want to go to school or stop fighting. Is it really that simple? Obviously not. The child is a part of the "family" system, which must be taken into account when intending to change his behavior.
The very fact of contacting specialists is already a step in the right direction for positive changes. But most parents, coming to a consultation with a specialist, completely forget that a child is part of a system called a family. The younger the child, the stronger the influence of this system on him.
The child does not grow up in a wild forest (if we are talking about an average family, not a huntsman's family). He grows up surrounded by his family and friends. Therefore, he adopts family values, develops his own ways and mechanisms of interaction with this system. As in any other system, it is extremely difficult in a family to change one element without influencing others.
So it turns out that a child goes to a psychologist for months (or even years) about hyperactivity, for example; and it never becomes calmer. What is the reason? Maybe the psychologist is not very good either. But what if you have already changed a lot of psychologists, but there is still no result? And the reason lies in the fact that the environment, the family forces the child to react to situations in the usual way.
In order to change behavior, to influence the experience of a child, first of all, his family members must change their behavior. This applies not only to parents, but to everyone who is in close contact with the child. The new behavior of the environment will force the child's psyche to look for new ways to respond. Here it is already possible to teach a child new behavior, to cure his phobias, etc. Any sessions with a psychologist will not have any effect until the child's family also begins to change.
Start with yourself: you are older and smarter than your child, more experienced than him. Then why not stop demanding that he begin to change, and change his attitude to the situation, ways of interacting with the child. After all, the way you acted before led to an unsatisfactory result.
Do not put the child at the forefront and always blame him for all sins. Perhaps you yourself set a bad example somewhere or forced him to act in a certain way. For example, when accusing a child of lying, remember how often you yourself lie about trifles? Well, they did not pay for the fare, since the inspector did not notice; or told your boss on the phone in the morning that you were already driving up to the office, and you yourself were just having breakfast. Little things, right? But this means that you yourself are allowing lies in your family. Why then blame the child for it? It's a trifle for him to lie that he did his homework. Or another example: you demand respect for yourself as a parent. But at the same time, you yourself have a terrible relationship with your parents.
A child is a complex organism and part of a system called a family. If you want to change his behavior, be ready to change yourself. Be prepared to change your relationship not only with your child, but also with other family members. This can be much more difficult than it seems at first glance. But it bears fruit. It is much easier to push the child into the psychologist's office and say, "Do something with him!" Only the result will also be much less, if at all.
