Love is a feeling sung for centuries. Could addiction be a problem? The answer is yes. When the feeling of falling in love is the goal and meaning of life, when the object of love turns into the only center of attention, when one's own life and well-being are threatened, it is time to get rid of love addiction.
Admit the problem
The idea that love addiction is always such a dysfunctional relationship, in which one partner elevates the other to a pedestal, forgives all character flaws and justifies numerous misconduct, is only partially true. This scenario is just one of the possible. The other side in an addicted relationship may be flawless, but this will in no way affect the dysfunction of the couple. Therefore, you should pay attention to your feelings, to realize what needs you satisfy in these relationships.
If this is just a desire to be with someone, a fear of loneliness, a need for someone to take care of you or to take care of someone yourself - you, with a high degree of probability, have a love addiction. Symptoms of addiction are frequent falling in love that quickly turns into a "serious" relationship, ignoring the partner's negative behavior, trying to control it for their own comfort, unrealistic expectations from romantic relationships, the idea that only love will satisfy all needs and desires.
Ask for help
Love addiction is akin to drug addiction. It is very difficult to cope with it alone. Most often, the roots of dysfunctional behavior go back to childhood. There can be many reasons for unhealthy patterns to form. Finding out which ones led to the current situation is the work of a psychologist. Seek help from a specialist.
Pause
Perhaps your relationship still has a chance, but you can find out only after leaving them in order to evaluate it sensibly after some time. If your partner is connected to you with real feelings, if he sincerely cares about you, then he is interested in making you feel good and will be able to step aside to give you space and time for healing. If he does not agree to a pause, scares you that “this is the end,” then parting with this particular person is a blessing. He's not who you want. Healthy boundaries are part of mental health and harmony in relationships. A partner who does not want to comply with them, is not ready to give you time to recover them, is toxic. True love means that people care about each other's well-being.
Get rid of illusions
Realize that the pain you get from breaking up has nothing to do with the way you were in the relationship. Most people mourn not what it really was, but what it could have been in their dreams. As the mind tries to heal a wounded heart, it often blocks painful memories, supplants them, and you yearn for the good times, idealizing them, forgetting about the bad ones. The best strategy is to sit down and write down anything that has hurt, hurt, and upset you. The point of these notes is not to feel anger, regret, guilt, or sadness as you read your notes, but to remember what you want to get away from and where to come.
Learn to forgive
If you've managed to get out of an unhealthy relationship, then the natural feelings you feel when you remember how unfairly you were treated are anger and resentment. For the psyche, they serve as alarms, as well as an airbag that softens the gap with the people who hurt you. However, continuing to experience these same feelings after breaking up means being stuck in the past, letting it rule your life. Forgiveness leads primarily to your emotional freedom.
Forgiving someone is easier if you take a look at the specific wrongs done to you and try to look at the situation from the other person's point of view. In most cases, if your partner was not a terry abuser, they did not act out of a desire to harm you. Usually, people behave in one way or another, implying some kind of benefit for themselves, and the interests of others either come second or are not taken into account at all. This is not the best strategy in a relationship, but it is quite common. The ability to understand other people's motives will help you look into the past more consciously, make unpleasant memories less personal and painful.
Learn to love yourself
To be able to build a healthy love relationship, you need to learn, first of all, to love yourself. You should believe that you deserve a good attitude towards yourself, care, participation, warmth. This is impossible without a positive perception of one's own personality. If you are full of negativity towards yourself, constantly criticize yourself, consider yourself unworthy of a good relationship, you will subconsciously choose a partner every time who will broadcast the same attitude towards you. You cannot expect someone else to treat you better than you do to yourself.
Realize that there are no halves
Each person is an integral, self-sufficient person. There are no “halves” intended for you. There are billions of people on the planet and those with whom you can "succeed", much more than one person. If the relationship is exhausted, hurting, or not supportive, find the strength to move on. If you have grown as a person, worked on yourself, realized your past mistakes, this will help you find the person with whom you will go to a new level and build harmonious relationships. Do not rush things and do not think that you can realize yourself only in love.
