A person falls in love, is in euphoria, it would seem that everything is fine. But suddenly a scenario of destruction starts. For example, because of insecurity, because of jealousy, because of distrust, or because of fear of this relationship. What does "turn on" mean? This word implies a person's desire to create tension that turns into conflict.
It comes from childhood, for boys it is a relationship with mom, for girls - with dad. Parents deny attention to children because they are busy with work or other activities. Young children do not have critical judgments and perceive rejection due to employment as a rejection of them altogether. In adulthood, this feeling of rejection develops into fears, insecurity, low self-esteem, and distrust of the world. And when such a person enters into a relationship, he does not believe that love can not be accompanied by pain.
This is the basic foundation that leads the couple formed with this person to parting. Further, like a snowball. Each time analyzing the relationship, the individual comes to the conclusion about the wrong choice of a partner and continues to search for a suitable candidate. So, "going over" people, he goes to the stage of "disappointment in love". On it, a direct rejection of love does not occur, here it is different. Biochemically, everyone's body is not prone to self-destruction, which means that systematically destroying personal relationships choose life without feelings. For example, this is a one-night stand, marriages of convenience, as well as just friendships and living together.
As soon as a person realizes that he has fallen in love, panic and destructive mechanisms turn on. There is a fear of being abandoned, rejected, convicted of failure. And the person, in order not to get into such a situation, chooses the path of inner loneliness. In other words, it is only physical participation in the relationship without the involvement of the emotional component. Again, this happens at the call of nature: the body adapts to the circumstances and tries to turn on the bio-survival mechanisms of saving its owner.
Although this is not accepted in our culture, you should contact a psychotherapist. You need to get out of your own (personal) scenario, this is an individual work.
- The man Andrey meets the girl Katya, who loves him. She offers him her love "in advance", saying: "I am yours." At first, Andrei tries to accept her love, but in the process of a relationship he has such feelings: suspicion, jealousy, insecurity. He increasingly provokes Katya into conflict situations. Gradually, no matter how wise and kind the girl Katya is, she loses interest in Andrey. Because she doesn’t want, it’s uncomfortable, so that we sort things out with her every 5 minutes. It’s important! In life, most often, there are more “subtle” examples.
- However, it is much more for a woman than for a man to feel and behave like a victim. The victim personality constantly asks the man questions: ", ", " and others. This leads to the fact that such a woman ceases to be reckoned with, and then, often, they leave such a relationship.
Answer: love doesn't hurt. Unfortunately, many find it hard to believe.