The teenager became uncontrollable. What should parents do?
Understand your baby
The essence of adolescence is not only psychological, but also hormonal changes. All this determines a very special psycho-emotional state of a teenager. A teenager himself sometimes does not understand what is happening to him. He has not yet learned to be aware of his feelings and control his emotions. And this is "superimposed" on the extreme loads - at school, in the yard, in the family. Hence - sharp and unreasonable mood swings, increased impulsivity.
The teenager is trying to assert himself, and on the basis of constantly conflicts with others - both adults and peers. However, he still does not know how to properly get out of the conflict, to behave in a disputable situation. And there is no one to teach this except parents, who themselves must become an example and show a constructive model of behavior, become an advisor and support a child in a difficult adolescence. And shouts, punishments, threats will not help - on the contrary, they will only aggravate the situation of teenage rebellion.
Understand the reason
Teenage rebellion and uncontrollability always have specific reasons. For parents, this behavior should be perceived as a wake-up call. But the call is not to strengthen control, punish and rein in the child who has beaten off the hands. This is a signal of psychological distress and problems in your relationship with him. After all, teenage rebellion does not arise without a reason. If even before adolescence a warm and trusting relationship with his parents was established, he lives a full and interesting life for himself (not only with the “interests of the family” but also with his own, sometimes “strange” interests), surrounded by friends, then, having crossed the threshold of adolescence, he will face and with difficulties and conflicts, but you will always know what will be accepted by the parents as they are. And therefore, there are simply no reasons for uncontrollability and breakdown of relations with parents!
It is another matter if extremes prevailed in upbringing. Excessive custody and care for the child, as well as the atmosphere of severity and prohibitions, lead to the fact that a person is already entering adolescence with a distorted self-esteem. In the first case, it is overestimated, and in the second, as a rule, it is underestimated. That is, accusing the child of "inadequacy" it turns out that the parents themselves "brought up" such inadequacy. And since the psychological restructuring of a teenager is directly related to the formation of his identity and self-esteem, then all the problems accumulated in this area will make themselves felt when they enter a critical age.
Trust for Trust Principle
Thus, those adolescents who do not feel trust from adults or who experience a hidden resentment at the “betrayal” of loved ones become uncontrollable. Not feeling support from loved ones, feeling a threat to his inner world, the formation of identity, the teenager tries to defend himself. And it behaves according to the principle "the best defense is attack." He does this, of course, unconsciously, not for evil. It's just that they didn't teach him any other way. Therefore, the most important thing in communicating with a teenager is not to lose mutual trust, everyone should take a step towards a meeting - both the teenager and the parents. The principle from which to proceed “trust for trust”!
Intimate talk
A heart-to-heart conversation, a search for points of contact with an almost adult child, a sincere desire to understand him will help to find the cause of the problem. Learn to listen and hear the child, do not ignore his needs, do not push away with misunderstanding and punishment. Let the teenager feel support and love, believing them, the teenager will change significantly, gain faith in you and in himself, which means he will become more calm, restrained.
Specialist help
If you cannot cope with the problem on your own, contact with the teenager is lost, contact a teenage psychologist. He will definitely help you find the right solution and the way to restore mutual trust and "weather in the house"!
