I often hear from friends who have children of primary school and adolescence, "You will not communicate with Vasya, Kolya, Natasha, because I do not like them!", "I forbid you to communicate with this and that!" Can we say that? Are we adults right in this case?
I think not. When our child's communication with the neighbor's hooligan Petya is undesirable for us, the simplest thing we can do is to suppress communication in the bud, simply prohibit, intimidating with disobedience with physical punishment, deprivation of cash or something else. So is it really easiest for us to perceive our children as slaves, unquestioningly carrying out our will? If a tyrannical mom or dad will endlessly suppress the child's aspirations, his personal desires, criticize his own opinion, then as a result, from such a downtrodden offspring in all respects, a weak-willed creature will grow, the so-called "mama's son" or daughter - "hothouse plant”, floating with the flow, confident that she has no right to vote at all.
I, of course, agree that parental authority is very important in upbringing, but authority is not the same. "My decisions are not discussed because I decided so!" - the easiest way is to say just that, brush it off, especially when you don't want to waste your precious time on all kinds of conversations with your children. This is fundamentally wrong! Any of your decisions should be 100% reasoned, if you decided that way, then if you please explain why, instead of prohibiting communication, you need to talk to your son or daughter, just sit down and talk.
It should start with the fact that you do not like the bully Petya himself, but the manners of his behavior, his vocabulary, and so on, tell the child what exactly does not suit you in his chosen friend. Say that you are very worried about your son's copying of the behavior and habits of Petya, Vasya or Sasha. Explain to your child why you shouldn't behave this way.
Build the conversation calmly, absolutely without raising your voice, but your main idea should be persistent. Find out what exactly your child likes about a new friend, maybe his authority among peers, an older age, or your child just feels protected in his company and he is very comfortable from this.
Explain your position very clearly to your son, but in no case forbid communication, the child should have his own opinion, do not forget that he is, first of all, a person. And one more thing, before blaming a boy or girl who, in your opinion, unsuitable for friendship with your child, for all mortal sins, think about it, since your child is so drawn to him, maybe, in addition to the negative traits of his character, he has, Moreover, there may be a lot of positive aspects in behavior that simply escaped your sight.
Ostrovsky said: "In judgments, fluttering like a moth, you cannot touch only the surface of objects." This phrase in the resolution of any conflicts simply has to become the key one.
