While the parents sort things out and share property, the child catches their every word, mood, and reaction. And if you do not explain to him in time what is happening, he will independently "finish" the situation, which will turn in his imagination into a real catastrophe. This is often accompanied by depression, learning difficulties and feelings of guilt. No matter how hard it is, you need to try to control yourself and avoid phrases that traumatize the child.
Instructions
Step 1
"You misbehaved, so dad left."
This can provoke guilt in the child for the separation of the parents. Try not to involve children in adult conflict: this is a very serious challenge for a child of any age. It happens that a mother reproaches her son or daughter in order to achieve obedience. In this case, the child may think that he can be loved only under certain conditions, for example, for good behavior. This is a very violent manipulation that undermines a child's self-confidence and healthy self-esteem.
Step 2
"Dad is bad."
Criticism sounds in cases where a woman is very offended by her husband (for example, he cheated on her). Or she wants the child to love her more and not miss his father. But for him, dad is an important and beloved person. Therefore, the child can transfer criticism to himself: if dad is bad, then so am I. If a girl hears bad reviews about her father, she develops the attitude “all men are bad”, which can subsequently create serious problems in her personal life. But, in the end, they divorced you, so do not take out your disappointments on the child. Use self-statements instead of criticism. For example, "I felt very bad when I found out that your dad was dating women," not "your father is a womanizer."
Step 3
"It's my fault that your dad and I got divorced."
This is how mom expresses her guilt. Many women reproach themselves for the fact that a son or daughter will henceforth grow up in an incomplete family. In this case, the child, most likely, does not consider you to be guilty. Moreover, if the parents have practically not communicated recently or have constantly fought, if there was no warmth and normal understanding between them, he may feel relieved that it was all over.
Step 4
When deciding to part with an unloved person, you teach your child to act in such a way as to change his life for the better and not be afraid of change. And in this way, you bring him up by personal example. In the end, the child does not need sacrifices, but happy, loving parents and good "weather at home." And a family in which mom and dad are hostile to each other is unlikely to teach you how to build strong relationships. Therefore, you should not make excuses and ask for forgiveness for the fact that you do not want to continue an unsuccessful union. Everyone deserves to be happy.
Step 5
Problems associated with the divorce of parents sometimes echo in the adult life of children: it is more difficult for them to build their own family, and it is not easy to decide to become a mom or dad. Therefore, be sure to talk to your child so that divorce does not cause him anxiety, loneliness and defenselessness, but a feeling of constant parental support.
