Let's face it - divorce, which has become commonplace in our lives, still remains a negative experience, to one degree or another traumatizing the members of a broken family. Even peaceful mutual agreements on separation in childless marriages are painful. And, often, looking back into the past, we see the moment from which everything “went wrong”. The moment when something else could be fixed. Perhaps you are now at this point where everything is still fixable. If your partner is dear to you, do not miss your chance.
It is necessary
- Patience
- Confidence
- Love
- Desire to compromise
Instructions
Step 1
First of all, admit that your marriage isn't perfect. There are problems in your marriage. Don't be a perfectionist, problems are normal. The fact that people love each other does not mean that their whole family life will develop smoothly, that they will always find a common language, and there will be no disagreements in marriage. In the same way, the difficulties that have arisen do not at all mean that your marriage has exhausted itself, and you definitely need to break up. Many couples who celebrated a silver or even gold wedding have gone through conflicts and misunderstandings. The main thing is that they have coped with it. You can do it too.
Step 2
Prepare to speak with your spouse. Write a list of the things that don't suit you, think about what is important to you, and where you are willing to compromise. Try not to look for someone to blame, not to blame your spouse, but to analyze your feelings.
Step 3
Ask your partner to give you time to talk. There is no need to start a conversation when it is convenient and comfortable for you, even if it seems to you that tomorrow will be too late. It is possible that your spouse is tired, annoyed, hungry, has a rough day, and will be negative. The conversation won't work anyway, so why start it? If you have children, try to keep them away from your conversation. Make sure that you are not torn off or disturbed at the appointed time. Disconnect all phones.
Step 4
Prepare tea or coffee, pour yourself a glass of wine. Tune in to a peaceful conversation, not a conflict of interest. Identify the problem, tell me how you feel - your marriage is under threat, but you are ready to make every effort to keep it. Give your partner a pen and paper and ask them to describe what they are not happy with, what they would like to change. Exchange sheets.
Step 5
Talk about your feelings. Try to avoid recriminations. Look for common points, not what separates you. Remember why you chose each other? Why did you get married? What has changed since then? If you and your spouse are willing to meet each other, come to a compromise.
Step 6
If you both want to save your marriage, but you can't agree on some simple things, it's time to turn to a professional consultant. It happens that what seems to us an insurmountable disagreement from the inside is just a look at the problem from the wrong side and the psychologist will help you to realize this.
Step 7
If your problems are so deep that you need to live separately, do not resist it. Offer not to live together for a week, and only then decide. It is possible that during this time your partner will remember how dear you are to him, feel that he is not ready to lose you, and you will still be able to agree. If you do not give him this "wiggle room", he will leave you anyway, feeling trapped.
Step 8
If you agree on something, keep your promises. Do not go back to the point from which you started, do not blame your spouse for what came before your agreements, and do not look for excuses for yourself in past grievances. You either want to fix it or you don't. Want to? Do it!
