Probably, many have encountered such a situation. Such words sound very offensive, it is extremely unpleasant to hear them. What is hidden behind these words, what can be their meaning in reality?
While counseling young and already adult women, from time to time I have to deal with a request related to premarital relationships, in which the question from the title of the article appears. Sorting out in each individual story, a typical series of true meanings appears on the surface behind the phrase said to the client by her partner “There is only sex between us”.
And so, what is most often behind this phrase when it is pronounced by one partner to another.
1. Indeed, the partner views the relationship exclusively as sexual, without mutual commitment. Sometimes men deliberately go for such a relationship, considering a serious relationship not necessary for them at the moment in their lives. The reasons for this can be very diverse: disappointment in relationships with the opposite sex, fatigue from deep relationships, emotional exhaustion due to them, etc., lack of material conditions for creating a family, immersion in work and building a career, etc.
Be that as it may, all reasons from this category are temporary. Later, under certain conditions, namely, when these reasons are eliminated, the position of the man changes.
2. Emotional and spiritual intimophobia, i.e. fear of building close, trusting, open relationships with a woman. The reasons for this can also be quite different. You can read more about them in my other articles devoted to this issue. If a man has intimophobia, the problem of fear of a serious relationship can be dealt with in most cases on your own. However, the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist may be required, but the man himself. And here the most difficult nuance is hidden - an intimophobic man, as a rule, does not realize his problem and does not seek to make any efforts to cope with it. Most often, judging by my practice, the woman herself has to deal with the intimophobia of a man. This process is very long and difficult. Nevertheless, several of my clients with the help of my recommendations have successfully dealt with her in their relationships. Five of them are already married to their chosen ones.
3. A man is really satisfied with this woman exclusively as a sexual partner. Certain character traits, and, as a rule, lack of confidence in relations with her, in her ability to be a good wife, the mother of his children, do not allow a man to see in a woman something more than a mistress. In such a situation, a woman has to weigh for herself all the pros and cons in the matter of changing herself as a person, or looking for another man who will accept her as she is, will see her as his soul mate.
4. Emotional estrangement of a man from a given woman, lack of warm and tender feelings towards her, lack of falling in love with her. A woman can be extremely sympathetic to a man, understand that she will be a good wife (purely theoretically), but cannot find a response in a man's heart. Usually men become quite attached to such women, but they still do not like them. In such a situation, it is almost impossible to do something to awaken feelings for a woman in a man's heart.
5. A man in marriage or some other relationship with another woman, which he considers impossible for himself at this point in time. In later periods of life, the situation may change, and a man will come to build relationships with another woman. Theoretically, a future with such a man is not excluded.
6. A man is unrequitedly in love with another woman with whom he may not maintain a relationship or be in friendship. He may never be able to penetrate the same feelings for another woman, although in the future, marriage with another woman is not excluded for him. In the practice of counseling, I have had occasion to communicate with such men more than once. They all noted that for a long time they could not enter into a serious relationship with anyone, since they still had the hope of building a relationship with the woman they loved. When hope vanished, they looked for a woman similar to the one they loved, but she still did not evoke the same feelings in them.
Why do men even pronounce this phrase to their chosen ones?
The reason is always the same: to clarify the positions in the relationship, to dot the i's. Sometimes a woman herself makes attempts to clarify the relationship when they are not clear to her. Although this is not always the case. In some cases, a man also needs to clarify who they are to each other, in what roles. Therefore, the initiative in clarifying the relationship can come from him completely spontaneously, without any preconditions.
