Who is this stranger who lives in the same house with you? He quickly swallows his food, fills the basket with dirty laundry, hums and shrugs at all questions, and tries to sneak out of the house or lock himself in a room with a computer. Is your son? And where did that sweet kid, who climbed into your arms and told all his simple secrets, disappeared? Yesterday you perfectly understood all his thoughts, feelings and aspirations, but today it seems to you that he was replaced, that he is a completely stranger. Nothing terrible happens. The child is growing up, but still needs your love and care. Now his problems are more serious than broken knees and you just need to learn to understand your son again.
It is necessary
- Time
- Patience
- persistence
- Sincere desire
Instructions
Step 1
Make sure your son sees your love and care. Even though his face is increasingly turning into a dismissive monkey grimace, he still needs your approval, encouragement and acceptance. But there is no need to "drown him in love" and forgive him everything, because "he is having hard times." Teens need boundaries. Yes, they are annoyed by the rules you set, but they need them. He must see that his actions can upset you, cause your disapproval. It is important for him that you are worried about his safety and require him to unconditionally fulfill some taboos. Sometimes teenagers do something terrible on purpose for you to stop them.
Step 2
Chat with your son at times that are good for both of you. You will not force him to talk in the morning or when he is carried away by chatting, the conversation will not work. But there are probably moments between you when you are especially close - maybe when you drive him to school or pick him up from the section, clean the table together after dinner, or fix the car. Appreciate these moments and try to have serious conversations at this time, and not when the thought occurred to you, urgently find out what is happening with the child.
Step 3
Listen to him. If he is already talking enthusiastically, do not interrupt him. Do not remember at this very moment that he again threw his sneakers in the middle of the corridor. Don't tell him similar stories from your youth. Does he want to share with you? So show that it is important and interesting to you.
Step 4
Don't lecture and teach your son. Believe me, he heard them all his previous life and he listens to them every day now. If in the previous 14 years you have not managed to explain to him “what is good and what is bad,” now it’s a little late. The teenager needs more evaluation of his actions than new teachings. Discuss with him his actions and decisions, his choice of path, and do not continue to talk about possible difficulties on the route.
Step 5
Speak his language. For your son, SMS, VKontakte, LJ, Facebook, blog and others are an integral part of his world. It is easy and simple for him to communicate there, from there he receives the lion's share of information. If you stubbornly stay on this side of the door, that's your choice, but then don't be surprised why you don't understand your child. He learned a new language, and you want to speak to him only in the old one. He is full of impressions, but you really fail to understand what he is about?
Step 6
Let his friends into your house. It may seem to you that barbarians have invaded the apartment, but in fact they are also someone's cute kids, they just “smell like that” now. You do not need to impose your society on them, let them study in his room, but you can invite them to tea and join in a general conversation, offer a ride to a concert or a match, or take them to the cinema. Look from the outside how your son communicates with them, from their conversations you can understand more about him than from the conversations imposed on him.
Step 7
Talk to your son's friends, teachers and coaches. They can see your child from the outside and tell you something new about him, something that will help you understand him better. Perhaps one of them is his authority at the moment, and he trusts him more than you. Remember that this should not offend you, because this is a normal stage of development. You are still important and dear to him, but he needs to learn how to build an adult relationship without you.
Step 8
Continue to include him in your household chores. Tell him that you want to teach him to be self-reliant and independent. Does he claim to be an adult? So an adult can not only peel potatoes, but also cut a salad. Overcome his resistance, but do not leave him alone with household chores. Do something together or do something nearby. When he stops grumbling and gets carried away with the business, this will be the best time to teach him something new.
Step 9
Find out what he wants to do, but hesitates. Help him in this hobby and even try to share a new hobby. Does he want to build a motorcycle? Do it together. Learn to play guitar? Why can't you? Gather a youth group? Okay, you can become their producer. For many years, your son has shared your lifestyle and your hobbies, it is your turn to try to share him.
Step 10
Okay, you're a very progressive parent and you're ready to figure it out, but tattoos? Tunnels? Piercing? Tell me, why did you buy a new car or dyed your hair? In order to show your belonging to a certain social circle, slightly different from its typical representatives, right? Your son does the same, only with the methods accepted in his environment. It is better to pay him for an expensive professional tattoo than to admire a crooked tattoo for years, which he will sooner or later do anyway.
