Often people confuse love with affection, build relationships, and in the end they suffer or hurt the chosen one. Relationships can be strong and long-lasting, but they can always crack for some reason. If quarrels, misunderstandings, and betrayal have become more frequent, then you need to try to analyze the situation. Perhaps health problems begin, anxiety increases after another skirmish and persists for a long time. Even an ordinary evening spent together leaves a strange aftertaste. In this case, the relationship became "toxic".
There are commonplace disagreements, disputes, but it is normal if both seek to understand each other and make compromises. But it happens that there is a feeling that something is wrong, but it is not possible to explain the reason even to oneself.
Can't adapt endlessly
People confuse love with "maniac" care, although in fact it is not. A common situation is partner manipulation. The most important thing is to understand in time that this will not lead to anything, perhaps you just do not fit together. "Toxic" relationships make a person feel unhappy, poison their life. Problems can begin at work, in the family, and immunity simply decreases against the background of frequent stress. A person even begins to get used to it and think that everything is all right: “Maybe there is something wrong with me? I'll adjust. " Just imagine having to adjust all your life, and the likelihood of losing your identity and feeling forever out of place is increased. Is this life? Yes, many families live this way and consider it the norm, but often they are simply afraid to admit to themselves that the relationship must be ended without fear of being left alone.
9 major signs of a toxic relationship
Victim and Abuser
Often the victims are people with initially low self-esteem, it seems to them that they are constantly blamed for everything. They want to prove otherwise, suffer and fall into a sad state. An excellent target for a tyrant. Having learned about the weak point, the abuser often begin to injure the victim in order to feel “higher”, to make the other feel absolutely insignificant. As a result, the victim even becomes dependent on the abuser: he understands that he is feeling bad, but he seems to be on the hook.
It also happens that the most powerful partner begins to portray the victim in order to manipulate the other. Bottom line: jealousy, explosive emotions, resentment, constant leaving and returning. The most popular: "I can't live without you!" But at the same time, the situation takes on a cyclical nature, it can also be called "emotional swing".
Lack of dialogue
"Your problems, you solve it." Of course, if one partner has a problem, then he should concentrate on solving it, but the point is that a relationship is a joint work and help of both people. If your partner doesn't care that something bad happens to you, is it a relationship? For example, it is important for one to talk about an emotionally significant topic, while the other either closes down or turns the conversation in a different direction. People enter into a circle of emotional persecution. The more anxious, interested, emotional partner tries to establish contact, looks for ways of interaction, and the other, avoiding one, leaves. Also, the situation is very similar to manipulation. Failure to speak in a relationship is likely to be bad in the end.
Lack of plans. Different goals
It so happens that one partner does not want to look into a joint future. Everything suits him: to move somewhere, he does not want to do something. And the other lives in anticipation, the belief that in another half a year and the relationship will move to a new stage. Starting a family, moving, traveling, even getting to know your parents is even postponed. It is very useful in relationships at the initial stages to dot the "i". This makes sense because it’s better to know that you’re not right for each other now than after 5 years of disagreements and quarrels over mismatched expectations. Because there is a strong investment of emotions, time, energy in relationships, a change in their values, lifestyle, and in the end it turns out that everything is in vain. Promises are not actions. You can give time limits in order to understand whether you need it or not: if the situation does not change within a year, you will need to decide for yourself whether it is worth associating life with a person or not.
Criticism
It so happens that one partner, due to lack of self-confidence or upbringing, believes that it is normal to tease and mock the other, and also to reproach. Another, if not humorous, may simply fall into an anxiety disorder. As a result, he will begin to lose confidence in himself due to such an attitude.
Patience
Angelic patience definitely does not lead to good: sooner or later a person will simply explode from accumulated and suppressed emotions.
If one feels that he is constantly enduring something, he adjusts so that the other is better. Remember - there is no purpose for which you need to endure something in a relationship. There are difficult periods, health problems, at work. But it is impossible to be in a state of tension constantly and because of little things.
I want to change my partner
It can be assumed that one partner constantly drinks, smokes, leads a destructive lifestyle. Another decides to take matters into his own hands and change it. This is a priori disastrous business. No one at a conscious age will change drastically anymore, unless there is a weighty reason, i.e. if he doesn't want to. You can always discuss what you don't like, start a dialogue, see how your partner will react and whether to go to a meeting. You don't need to remake anyone, you can try to change yourself. But do not forget that this should be mutual, within its permissible boundaries.
Lack of a sense of intimacy
How does falling in love happen? Here we meet a person, we start to like him, hormones, like a drug, hit in the head. I like everything in a partner: how he stands and looks out the window, how he dresses, how he speaks. But after about a year, the hormones subside, and we understand what connects us to a person. In this case, it is very important to pay attention to the feeling of closeness. This is not a habit of being around, but an inner feeling that one can be understood by the other, that it is comfortable and safe to be around. Everyone needs support, but if it is absent in any, not only difficult situation, then this may indicate the disappearance of emotional closeness. Imagine that after a hard day at work, your partner, realizing that you feel bad, decides to cook dinner himself, just give it a rest. And does not force, in spite of everything, to stand at the stove and later clarifies the relationship about the responsibilities. Of course, they are, but understanding the other person is also important, since in the future you can be in his place. Here it was also about caring.
Emotional blackmail
Manipulation. Threats to the address that if one does not do as he is told, he will be abandoned. Do you think this is health behavior in a relationship? The answer is obvious. “If you don’t want to be with me 24 hours a day, you don’t respect our relationship.” When a person is under the influence of a manipulator, he can stop adequately looking at the situation, begins to listen to reproaches. And in the end, consider that it is worth adjusting to prove love. It is not worth it to prove it in this way. If these situations occur more and more often, the relationship is most likely doomed. Talk to your partner, he should not become a wall, otherwise nothing will come of it.
Jealousy
There is nothing wrong with jealousy if these cases are rare and isolated. People often feel insecure and doubt. But if the renovation permeates the relationship, as if one becomes the owner of the other, then obviously nothing good will come of it. Lack of trust can also be an indicator that the partner has committed adultery himself.
Output
In fact, the brain, heart, mind itself tell a person when to leave. Constantly remaking yourself, your partner, adjusting, suffering, feeling depressed is not a normal situation. Of course, there is no state of permanent happiness, but the partner should make the other happier and mutually. If one begins to feel worse, the worst thing is to get used to it, then the situation must be corrected. Do not panic: this happens very often. Self-esteem, past experience, not understanding what is really needed affects. But you shouldn't suffer because of the relationship, even if you have feelings.
