Many parents are faced with a situation of "rebellion" when a teenager, as if out of spite, violates all the prohibitions and requirements of the parents. Is it possible to cope with this and how to properly prohibit something so as not to lose contact with the teenager?
Don't set unreasonable bans
This is the main rule of communication with a teenager. He is critical of all the actions of adults, subjects everything to analysis and doubt. Therefore, any prohibition that is unfair from his point of view will certainly be violated.
Explain and clarify your position
An unfair prohibition, from the point of view of a teenager, is, first of all, a prohibition made in a categorical form. When you just can't, "because my mother said so." In this case, a teenager who claims to be an adult feels that they are being treated as "little." The natural desire will be to prove that this is not so, that he alone has the right to decide what "is allowed and what is not."
When you forbid a teenager something, be patient, explain to him why you forbid him to skip school or go to bed at 5 o'clock in the morning. It seems to you that everything is already obvious and clear. A ban in a categorical form, the order will be perceived by the teenager as an insult and will entail an offense, and will be violated. If you calmly explain the requirements, the teenager will feel that you see him as an equal adult. In fact, your child loves you and does not seek to spite you. Therefore, if you give him the opportunity to “surrender with dignity,” he is likely to accept such a prohibition. Not with gratitude, of course, but without protest and without hysterics.
Do not threaten or command
Do not threaten or command - this will only provoke a retaliatory aggression from the teenager and mutual resentment. Your relationship will be spoiled for a long time, but in the end … will it not happen that one day you find, instead of a child, a person who has become completely alien to you?
Support your teen
The teenager learns to take responsibility, to be independent, to make decisions. Isn't that - independent and successful - you want to educate him? Therefore, you should not overly patronize the teenager, support his constructive desire to learn to be an adult,
Sign a contract
You can offer a teenager a kind of points system - points are awarded for correct actions, and for negligence in duties they are written off. So doing ordinary household chores turns into something like a computer game for a teenager. A purchase that a teenager dreams of, etc., can act as a bonus for a particular level of points. However, try to organize everything in such a way that your relationship does not turn into a form of "income" for a teenager or an argument for mutual manipulation!
Trust your teen
Adolescents are acutely aware of falsity and pretense in relationships. And if you do not trust your child, then he will answer you in kind. The worst thing is a latent resentment. In a relationship with a teenager, this is worse than overt aggression. He may fulfill your request, but the latent resentment will remain for life! Use this as an excuse to cultivate responsibility in him. Become an advisor and friend to your almost adult child!
