The lover is like a sapper who walks through a minefield blindfolded. And a new employee-quiet in a month can pick up the most unsinkable boss. In order not to be blown up by a surprise man, you need to take a closer look at the newcomer.
Instructions
Step 1
Catch a chameleon. At the everyday level, we get closer to a person for two reasons. Either he has something that we ourselves lack, or he (she) is the same (the same) as me. If the same, then, apparently, safe. This is wrong. There are chameleon people for whom it is a natural thing to blend in with the landscape. If a new employee can simultaneously praise and scold the same things, and the groom masterfully lies, adjusting to each member of the future family, then this is an alarming bell. Although we all think that a liar and schemer will make an exception for us. After all, we talked so sweetly.
Step 2
Recognize cruelty. A person who does not know how to empathize with the weaker, who does not have the need to protect and protect, is not the best option for family life. For some, cruelty is more pronounced. For example, a person can throw a stone at a homeless animal or tell with passion how he beat a first-grader. But in general, sadism has many manifestations. A person may even intentionally inflict pain in order to then regret and care, feeling needed. And the victim falls into this loop, feeling guilt, pity, fear and gratitude at the same time. To prevent this from happening, you need to be sensitive to how the interlocutor's intonation changes when he is carried away by the story. And remember that everyone tries to appear better than they are.
Step 3
Get to the roots. The origins of deviant, abnormal behavior go back to childhood. To study a person in his, as zoologists say, natural habitat, it would be nice to get to know his parents and friends. Listen to what he says about his loved ones, how he communicates with them: politely, rudely, condescending. It is rash to judge by words: a person can wear a mask - a macho or a general benefactor. You have to judge by real actions and small details. For example, with what eyes his loved ones look at a person.
Step 4
Get into someone else's skin. Man consists of what he builds around himself. Books, music, culinary tastes and style of dress are all manifestations of his nature. To study them, you need to ask yourself questions: "Whom does he want to imitate? Are his guidelines attractive to you? With what can I reconcile, and what scares me, despite the veil of love?" Many people console themselves that after the wedding, the birth of a child, moving to a new apartment or moving to a new position, she or she will change for the better. Miracles do happen, but more often than not a person drags his "features" into a new home, a new family and a new age.
Step 5
Prepare for surprises. Man is one of the greatest mysteries. And the study of his character, temperament, intelligence is a process that can take a lifetime. And even after half a century of living together, the spouses cannot say for sure that they know each other well. But whatever the personal characteristics of each person, mutual respect and tenderness are able to overcome any, even the most durable, obstacles on the way to serene family happiness.
